25 posts tagged “sleep”

...and I haven't been getting enough, until last night.  After weeks of inconsistant and scarce sleep, I *finally* fell asleep easily and slept all night long!  I did wake up a couple of times because my chest is still rattling from that damn cold, but every time I woke up, I was able to lie back down and fall right back asleep.  Ten glorious hours!!!  I feel so much better!  I was really getting obnoxiously twitchy and moody.

I ordered new pants yesterday, in the next size down.  WOOT!  That makes three pants sizes I've dropped since late July.  I *just* bought new jeans about two weeks ago, and I absolutely loved the way they fit on me ...until this weekend when I started having to hike them up constantly.  We went out to the park for a walk, but didn't get to walk the trail I wanted to because I was getting annoyed at having to hike my jeans up so much.  I actually almost walked right out of them while I was at home cleaning the next day and had to catch them just as they were sliding off my butt.  This all amuses me muchly, aside from the fact that these were the best fitting jeans I've ever owned a couple of weeks ago and I'm a little sad to see them go.  I did wear a belt with them for a while yesterday, but I had too much of the waistband gathered up under the belt and that got to be uncomfortable after a short while.  So, new pants on the way.  At least I've been able to find jeans and pants at great sale prices.  Maybe I can resell them on ebay and recoup some of my money.

I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year.  I'm not one to say "never again", but honestly, it doesn't seem likely.  I like to write a lot, but there are a crazy amount of things that I like to do "a lot".  It always seems to come back to "do what you love", and I've discovered that I absolutely do not love writing enough to deal with a writer's life.  I did NaNo for a few years until I finally hit that 50,000 words in one month, and I really feel like I've checked that off my list of things to do.  I could see trying it again if I was job-free and had absolutely nothing else planned for the month of November and nothing else at all that I wanted to do, ...which I really can't see happening.  I always wish my writing friends the best of luck and fun for NaNo, but I'm pretty much out of that game now.

Found a gem of an old movie on Netflix last night: "Spider Baby".  I was skeptical, but I'd seen just about everything else in the horror category, so I figured I might as well give it a try.  It was delightfully twisted.  I'll definitelty watch it again.

Well, enough yammering.  I'd better get back to my day.  It's been a superhuman effort in recent days to keep myself moving and out of that pit of despair and depression, but the sleep I got last night has helped a ton, and I'm finally feeling motivated to get some stuff done.

Last night I was uber-cranky and filled with a seething hatred for everything.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to sleep again, but it wasn't long after my head hit the pillow that Rob Lowe was trying to convince me selling a few cars would restore out post-apocalyptic society, while a hungry porcupine ran circles around my ankles.  (Yes, that was really what I dreamt.)

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I did, for fear that sleeping too long would make it harder to get to sleep tonight.  I'm still feeling kind of worn out, but my mood is much improved, fortunately.

Now, however, I'm seeing lots of things on the internet and the morning news that are seriously irritating, so I'm going to hide for a while.

I can't wait for bedtime tonight!  I want some more zs!

The snow is gone.  I'm not complaining.  I know we're only just a little more than half way through winter, but we did have snow on the ground through all of January and right up until some time overnight last night.  That's really all I ask of winter, a consistent winter landscape, a little calm monotone to balance out the riot of color we have the rest of the year, with an occasional fresh dusting of white to put a clean coat over the dingy grays.  Maybe we'll get a little more yet.  I'd like that.

I've had acedia nipping at my ankles for about a week now.  It's easy to banish during the day when I can keep busy.  Nothing puts it in it's place like a sense of accomplishment.  But at night, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night (which I do a lot), it's right there manipulating my thoughts.  It doesn't take more than the fleeting thought that the previous day flew by, and I'm lying there thinking about how the years all fly by, how insignificant life seems to be, how nothing seems to change from day to day to day, how futile it all seems.  Next thing I know, I'm in a funk, wishing I could sleep ...through a few days perhaps, but feeling impossibly wide awake.  Well, that all sucks, but I'm awake now, and aware enough to be beating the acedia back, at least until bedtime.  Maybe I'll luck out and start sleeping through the nights again soon here.

We have art class tonight, which I'm psyched about.  We're supposed to be using pastels tonight.  Aside from watercolor, pastels were traditionally my favorite, back when I did that art thing regularly.  I need to find something to draw between now and then.  That's always the hardest part for me.  I don't know if I'm just too picky or what, but I have a really hard time finding subject material.  I need to work on that, because it's that more than anything else that's kept me from making drawing a regular habit all of these years.  In fact, I'm quite sure it's that and only that which blocks me.  Maybe I need to get back into The Artists' Way and work on replenishing my "well of inspiration" or some such thing.

The knitting is going extremely well.  I've made a few mistakes and had to tink a few rows, but I'm through one of the four skeins I bought for this project, and in only three days.  If I can keep up this pace, I'll have it completed in under two weeks!  My LYS (Local Yarn Store) has a deal where if you can bring in your receipt for the yarn along with your finished project within thirty days of the original purchase, you get ten percent off your purchases that day to help start you on your next project.  I intend to take advantage of that for a few months here, and just keep cranking these projects out.

Turns out Craig knows the lady who owns this yarn store.  She used to work for one of his old clients.  As we were leaving last week when I bought my yarn, Craig told her, "Well, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon," and she replied, "I know I'll be seeing your money!"  That cracked me the hell up.  :)  ...It's true though.  :D

Ok.  I need to gather up some stuff for class tonight, and then get a little work done here.   The dark, rainy skies aren't doing a damn thing to help me wake my brain up, so I probably need to put on a fresh pot of coffee.  It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion...

I definitely got up too early today.  I hate it when you wake up because your brain fires up in a busy panic over all you have to do in a day, yet said brain hasn't had enough rest to process thoughts properly.  I'm up, but now that I'm needing to get some thinking work done, my thinker is still only half conscious.  ...Am I making sense?  I can't tell.  argh.

We had a busy weekend full of family.  Saturday was Craig's aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary party.  It was just like going to a wedding reception.  Even though they'd been married 50 years, the bride and groom were giddy and playful and still looking as happy as newly-weds together, which was really sweet to see. 

We got there and walked in to a reception hall full of extended family(-in-law), and I was overwhelmed into stupidity for a while.  I now remember that the happy couple was standing right by the door to greet people coming in, but I was dumbfounded and walked right by them without even making eye-contact.  Just one more example of why people tend to think I'm a rude bitch even though I'm mostly just dense and horribly introverted.

It was a nice reception, good food, great people, pretty decorations, cake, the whole shebang.  The DJ tried so hard to get people dancing, but it wasn't until he played the chicken dance that people started moving.  We were discussing this on the way home, noting how Polish people love the chicken dance.  "How come you didn't dance the chicken dance?" I teased.  He replied, aghast, "You don't dance to your national anthem!"  :D  That boy does make me laugh!

Sunday was a surprise birthday party for my dad's 60th.  I had a lot of anxiety about this one, not only from being socially exhausted from Saturday night still, but for fear that we'd wind up talking politics and I would have to leave.  To my surprise and immense relief though, I never heard one single political or religious comment the whole day.

It was nice visiting with my family, and I was especially thrilled to visit with my niece and nephew.  I'm so mad I forgot to bring my camera!!!  Those kids are cute, and I'm not someone who usually likes children.  Oona wants to be a T-rex for Halloween.  :)  At one point my youngest cousin (she's also my god-daughter) went out to the car and came back in with Halloween masks.  They were rubbery, full-head masks, including a toothy reptile and an alien of some sort, and you'd think most three year old girls would be scared, but not my girl.  She was giggling like crazy.  Toward the end of the day, she actually put the reptile mask on, which was hysterical.  At one point my god-daughter put the alien mask on, and my sister set Oona and Truman with her for photos.  It was FAR better than getting your kids picture with Santa or the Easter Bunny!  I was so mad I forgot my camera!

Also, Craig has nicknamed Truman "T-bone", and I think it might stick.  I overheard Oona calling him T-bone.  *giggle*  Those kids are so damn cute!  I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO BRING MY CAMERA!!!  ARGH!!!

My aunt, who loves planning social gatherings, had brought a bunch of board games, but the only thing we wound up playing was Guitar Hero on my cousins' PS3!  :D

Both parties were a good time, but this weekend wore me *out*!  We have no plans for next weekend, and we both agree we need to keep it that way.  Craig needs the weekend because he gets antsy if he doesn't have time to do projects on the weekends.  I, however, just need the quiet time.

My coffee cup is empty.  Time to refill it and try braining again.  I have so much braining I need to do today.  argh.

Well, my plans to get more sleep didn't work out last night.  I'm beat.  No napping until after the furnace guy comes though.   argh.  I'm trying to stay awake.  He said he'd be here "late morning", so I'm guessing I still have an hour or two yet, but it would be just my luck I'd nod off and not hear him when he gets here.

Art class was good though.  It was tougher than I was expecting, but it was still good for my mood.  Like Craig said, "Even if class wasn't fun (and it is), at the very least it's two and a half hours I'm not thinking about work."  That's a very good thing.

These are our food creatures we had to make before we drew them.  Making was a ton more fun than drawing this week, but if it wasn't sometimes frustrating, I'd be worried that I spent a bunch of money on classes and wasn't learning anything.

I know that getting good sleep is critical to helping your body deal with stress, but there is something to say for a night or two of really terrible sleep to temporarily treat the symptoms of stress.  I'm certainly not saying I tried to get bad sleep!  No, that just sometimes happens all on its own.  But, today I'm so damn tired, I have that constant thumping pain in my head, my eyes are so dry that I have to squint to see anything, ... and I really couldn't care less right now about anything that had me shaking in my boots yesterday.  Sometimes being too tired to care about anything at all is a welcome reprieve.  The trouble is that I doubt I'll get much of anything done today, which will just have me all stressed out again as soon as I'm rested enough to care.  But right now, I don't care.  Right now, if my head would stop thumping, I might get a nap, and that would just be the most wonderful thing.

I'm giving myself permission to take today off.  I actually got some good sleep last night, now I just need a few more nights of that.  That all-over body ache has receded, and now I just have pain in my lymph nodes, which means my body is trying to fight something off.  Go, go gadget immune system!  So, basically, I'm not as achy but still having a hard time keeping my eyes open, and I've decided not to fight it.

New Years resolutions are going ok.  I've already missed the first birthday on the calendar this year (Sorry, Tarasa!  Your card will go in the mail soon) so the whole "don't miss birthdays" thing is off to a bad start,  And I haven't sketched since last week, which is also bad.  ...Ok, so I'm not doing spectacular on these things, but honestly, given my record, just the fact that I'm remembering I wanted to work on these things is a step in a positive direction.

I have been very conscious of my eating habits as I'm trying to move back into eating 5-6 meals a day.  That's a lot of eating.  It's a very good way to convince yourself to make healthy food and portion choices though.  5-6 meals a day of crap food will make you feel like crap real fast, and portions that are even a wee bit too big will quickly prove to be more than you can eat.  I've tried to change my eating habits before, but it's always been about will power in the past, and this time it's more common sense than anything, so I think I've finally made that lifestyle change.

Great googly moogly.  There's more I wanted to jot down, but my eyelids are totally slamming right now. 

This gloomy, rainy weather in January sucks.  Precipitation in the winter should be IN THE FORM OF SNOW DAMMIT!

Argh.  Nap time.

The Week of Slack has ended.  Next year we might have to extend it one more day though, as apparently January 2nd is Festival of Sleep Day.  That's my kind of holiday!  I wish I'd known about it last night.  Getting up at 7am this morning was brutal!  I do have The Week of Slack on our calendars as a yearly event now though.  I think that long week of super low-key down time did the both of us a world of good.  ...It's just going to take a few days to get back on this 7am - 11pm schedule, when it's been more like 10am - 2am for the past week.  I'm going to miss that schedule.

I miss my husband though.  He had to go back to work, I guess.  :/  I really loved having his company all day every day and now I'm feeling a little lost.  I spoil so easily.

Man.  Who invented morning?  Seriously.  *snarl*YAWN!*snarl*

I have cold nose today.  Not the "Brr, it's winter and I can't get warm" kind of cold, but the "WILL YOU STOP RUNNING, YOU WORTHLESS NOSE!!!" kind.  Lately I seem to alternate 1-3 days of feeling good with 1-3 days of feeling like crap.  It's stress, I'm pretty sure.  That would've been my guess even before I read that book on cortisol.  I wish the extra vitamins I ordered would hurry up and get here.  I'm definitely having a "feel like crap" day.

I got up early today.  That was a mistake.  I hate mornings.  I thought maybe I'd get a couple extra hours of work in by getting up early, but really all it gave me was a couple extra hours of the sniffles, staring at the wall, and trying to remember words I learned in early elementary school.  I feel mega-stoopid.  RAWR!  MEGA-STOOPID!  Behold my mighty powers of... damn, what's the word I'm looking for???

I want retail therapy is what I want.  I want to buy something.  I want something new.  It's just stress and sleepiness though, so I won't give in.  ...But.want.shiny!

You know, if I don't get any work done today, than I don't.  Tuesdays have been my day off for a while now anyhow, and even though I'm under pressure to get this stuff done, I'm burned out, working on weekends, and obviously just not much good today.  I might just say screw it and work on something that will make me feel better, like getting some decorations up or baking cookies or finishing my book.

Or maybe I'll take a nap.  That'd be good too. 

To sum up: *sniffle*  Stooooopid.  *ZONK*

I can barely keep my eyes open, I'm so tired.

Or maybe I just want to go back to bed.  You know The Tick and The World's Most Comfortable Chair?  I think I created a similar evil and now own The World's Most Comfortable Bed.  I saw some really soft bamboo sheets at Bed, Bath & Beyond a while ago, found myself a coupon and brought those lovelies home.  I was looking for some new pillows too and found come great down-filled pillows on clearance at SierraTradingPost.com.  And though I wasn't shopping for it and generally frown on impulse purchasing, there was a super-soft flannel blanket on clearance too.  Add those to my pillow-top mattress and my electric blankie...  near perfect bed!  The only thing that will make it completely perfect will be throwing the feather blanket back on it.  It's not cold enough for that yet though.  I love my bed.  Wish I was there right now!

I need to run a few errands today.  I should quit procrastinating that so I can cross it off my list.  Today's list is long.

The Delta Kwik-E-Mart (Kwik Stop) burned this morning.  We knew something was up when two fire pumpers went speeding by with sirens blaring, heading west.  Our fire station is to the west of us, so that meant help coming from the next town over for something.  I listened on the radio for a while, heard the firefighters talking about where under the roof they needed more hoses.  The morning news said they had crews heading to the scene, but that was the last I heard of all that.

I should really get to work on this long task list I'm looking at here.  *sigh*