8 posts tagged “pms”

Yesterday was not a fun day.  Not only did my hormones have me grouching over every little thing, but I turned my ankle walking in the mushy yard (thus the slight limp today) and my vacuum spewed a cloud of bunny fur and dust at me (thus the constantly running nose even now).

Craig stopped at the store for me on his way home, and added a chocolate silk pie to the grocery list.  It was much appreciated.  It's cliche', I know, but when you're having the kind of day when it feels like Life taped a "Kick me!" sign to your back, a little bit of something as luxurious as chocolate is a nice reminder that Life's not all bad.

I also scored another advanced reader's copy of a book from the Early Reviewers group on Library Thing:

The Arthurian Omen by G. G. Vandagriff (Shadow Mountain)

Is the story of King Arthur history or myth? ... (show rest)

A Celtic scholar is brutally murdered when she finds a clue to a priceless fifth-century manuscript that could prove the identity of King Arthur. Determined to find the ancient relic and avenge her sister's death, Maren Southcott begins a quest that immediately puts her own life in danger.

In the tradition of Mary Higgins Clark, The Arthurian Omen weaves a tale of mystery and suspense as pursuit of the manuscript winds through the medieval castles and monasteries of Wales. Stalked by a psychopath with delusions of a Welsh revolution, Maren is shaken to the core when a new crisis threatens to destroy the one person she loves most. Can she find the manuscript before the murderer strikes again? Or is the manuscript-and the legend-better left buried in the past?

That sounds like it will be a really fun read!  ...  And YAY!  Free book!!!

I'm still in "a mood" today, so I need to avoid the news and certain aspects of the internet.  My laptop has shipped though, so that's exciting.  And Season 3 of BSG was delivered to my door this morning, also happy news.  My stupidity tolerance is non-existent today though, which means the slightest bit of playground-diva drama will make me homicidal.  (And the world is so full of stupid-ass drama!  Grow up, people!!!)  So it's another day of me in my house ignoring the world, I think.  It's just as well, as I have lots of work to do, and then eggs to dye and honey cakes to bake for the equinox.

My heart is broken over the loss of Arthur C. Clarke.  I feel like I've lost a dear friend.  He was my first favorite author.  I've read him since I was in elementary school.  He was brilliant and the world sucks a whole lot more now that he's no longer here.

I don't know why it always surprises me when my family wants to get together for easter.  It's been a huge family holiday, second only to Christmas, all the years of my life, and yet when it rolls around and we start getting the calls from family about making plans to get together, it *always* catches me off guard.  "Easter?  You want to get together for Easter???  Really?  ... No, seriously?  ...Why?"  I expect it for Christmas and take the time to prepare myself for the inevitable visiting circuit, but Easter *ALWAYS* catches me off guard. 

I think I need to right now look up when Easter is next year and put a note a month in advance in my calendar that says, "Easter in one month - Family holiday ahead!"

Maybe it catches me off guard because it's not a set date year after year.  Yeah, that's probably it actually.  Since I personally have no interest in Easter, I never bother to watch for it on the calendar and tend not to know when it is until the week before.  [mini-rant deleted]

Ok.  Off to lookup Easter 2009 and schedule myself a warning, maybe even two months in advance so I don't schedule *anything* for that weekend ...or the weekend after apparently (when my mom wants to get together this year).

[Several other unrelated rants deleted]

Disclaimer:  I know I'm behaving ridiculously.  The war in my head is reaching epic proportions today.  I read "A New Earth" recently and learned all about my ego, and as a result have spent the past couple of weeks in blissed out contentedness (it's a must-read book, IMO), but judging by my current disposition (and the way my breasts ache), I'm pretty sure PMS is pinching my every nerve today.  I know I'm being stupid and immature and weak in the way *I'm allowing* everything to bother me today.  I know it's my own damn fault.  Some days it's just so much harder to make those course corrections though.  One second I catch myself being stupid and adjust my attitude, and the next second I slip right back into another surly thought.  Being happy is definitely an uphill, into the wind, and let's say on rollerskates battle when my hormones are raging.  I'm going to go sit in the corner until I feel I can behave.

...but first I'm going to put Easter 2009 in my calendar, because that is a good idea.

Shut up, ego!  SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!!

Between having my house invaded twice this week, some pretty unpleasant PMS, a full calendar between now and Sunday, and work just not going well this week, I have 101 little things I really want to whine about right now.  I'm holding back, but it's soooo hard.  This introvert is terrifying close to a messy shutdown though.

I wish I was some huge movie star or something, so I could have "my people" clear my calendar and tell the world that I'm feeling under the weather while I sneak off to some uber-secret spa and hide from the world for a few days.  Gods, that would be perfect.

Yeah, this whining is me trying not to whine.  This is just the tip of a massive iceberg though.  I'm still doing really well on that holding back thing ...at the moment.

argh.

And I'm mad at one of my bunnies right now too, while my heart aches for the other.  Yeah, Jasmine is still looking for bunny fellowship and trying to make peace with Mia, and Mia is still biting her every chance she gets.

ARGH!

*deep breath*  I have to calm myself and give my dad a call here, so I can discuss carpooling with him to Cleveland and back (in the snow!) for a kid's birthday party on Saturday.  *teeth gnashing angst*

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is still me holding back.)

Big weekend starting soon: office holiday party at 4pm, "The Golden Compass" at 9 (SQUEEEE!), nice dinner out tomorrow followed by the ballet, my neice's birthday party on Sunday.  Big weekend.

How do I prepare?

My face breaks out, I get my period and come down with a cold.

Oh yeah.  Everyone wants to be me.  ...  But you can't.

Last night was high drama, and today it's all teeth-gnashing angst.

I hate hormones.

What I wouldn't give for ocean-front property right now!  If I could just sit on a beach and watch the waves for a while, I know I'd feel better. 

I just want to scream and flail.  ...Or create.  Maybe watercolors or some pretty threads would be a better venting than a tantrum.

*gnash-gnash-pace*

The doctor thing is irritating, but it's also something I can vent about without hurting anyone's feelings.  Pfft.  I'm trying so very hard these days to not spew venom.  Hold my tongue, hold my tongue, bite my tongue.  None of the stuff screaming in my head needs saying, it's just wasted words, and dangerous ones at that.  Nobody likes a negative person, and I don't even like myself when I get so anti-everything.  But dammit, it's been building in me for a few days now and I'm having to really fight not to let loose on someone, anyone.

It's probably PMS.  I can't tell this time.  I've never been terribly regular, and I'm not sure if my last period was really early, or it's late or I'm just skipping one or what... so I have very little idea where I am in my cycle right now, I just know that I'm off any sort of pattern again.  I'm usually regular for a half a year, maybe a year, and then I skip or am just really late or something *shrug* and then it's anyone's guess as to what's going on for a month or two before I settle back into anything close to a pattern.

All I know is I'm deeply offended and irritated about everything these days.  Everything.  ARGH!  I don't want to talk to anyone.  I don't want to watch the news.  I don't want to even read my friend's blogs for fear of something sparking just enough to ignite the powder keg that is me.

I have work to do.  Best just shut off/out everything non-essential and try to keep my thoughts on work.  A vow of silence sure does sound blissful right now, ...'cept I want everyone else to take it too, because I just don't want to hear anyone yammering on about anything these days.  I mean, is it just me or has the whole world become really whiny and stupidly needy these days?  argh.  See?  I'd better just stop there.  Super-cranky.

The world pinches today and I just want to tear it all down.

I've also been arguing with people in my head for the past 24 hours now, and I'm so lethargic I almost feel drunk or feverish.  That's how I know this is PMS.

[crazy rant deleted]  Today is the kind of day I take a screwdriver to the Rubik's Cube.  ...And I can't find a fucking screwdriver.

I think I have teh PMS.  I was ready to kill someone yesterday.  Literally.  I so wanted to brake-check the idiots behind me who don't get the whole safe-stopping-distance thing.  I wanted to just stomp my brakes to the floor and ruin their stupid days, even if it meant the end of me.  I was scary close to doing it.  I hate tail-gaters!  Idiots.

My biggest "bad driver" peeves:

• People not maintaining a safe-stopping distance, and that includes pulling right in front of someone when changing lanes or turning out into traffic!
• People willing to ride your ass and not pass you, even when the passing lane is empty, and even still when you've slowed down and pulled over to let them by!!!  WTF?!!!
  
• Both of the above, when jerks ride right up to your ass before moving around you, and then pull right back in front of you, when the passing lane is empty and there's no need to get that close!
• Stupid people who think that headlights are so they can see where they're going, when headlights are mostly so people can see you coming!  Just drive with them on all the time if it's that hard for your wee brain to figure it out.  But at least drive with them on, ...oh say, in FOG or SNOW or RAIN, and any time it's overcast or close to sunrise/set would be nice too!!!  argh.
  
• Jerks who take a left-hand turn into the right-hand lane or vice versa.  Turn into the appropriate lane, check your mirrors, signal and then move over!
• ...Don't even get me started on turn signals!  I mean really, how hard is it to make it a habit to bump that little lever right by your damn hand before you turn your wheel???
  

Ok.  Enough of that.  I'm getting myself all worked up again.  Yesterday I got home and went right upstairs to my room.  I put on comfier clothes and sat on my bed for a minute, just reveling in the solitude.  I sometimes don't realize how fried my every nerve is until I have some quiet, alone time to just be.  The quiet was heavy and soothing, like warm water, and I could almost hear myself humming like a high-voltage power line in the rain.  Somehow I'd gone from sitting on the bed a moment, to crashed-out napping.  My husband eventually came up to check on me, so it wasn't a long nap.  It was nice salve for my raw nerves though and really improved my mood.  I may not have been my best self yesterday, but I did manage to keep my rage to myself until I had a chance to let it melt away, and that's an accomplishment.  I'm already thinking I may need another power nap when I get home today.  My teeth are clamped tightly together to the point that my jaw aches.  I keep trying to relax, but in a matter of minutes I find my jaw locked down again.

None of this was what I wanted to write about.  Some days I just don't know how that happens.  Magic 8 Ball says "Try again later."  -sigh-

Chocolate would be good.  I should've packed up some of that five pound bag that Annerism sent me.  Oh!  You know what would rock?  A mocha.  Chocolate, fat, sugar and caffeine.  -drool-  I should've picked one up on the way in.