36 posts tagged “health”

...and I haven't been getting enough, until last night.  After weeks of inconsistant and scarce sleep, I *finally* fell asleep easily and slept all night long!  I did wake up a couple of times because my chest is still rattling from that damn cold, but every time I woke up, I was able to lie back down and fall right back asleep.  Ten glorious hours!!!  I feel so much better!  I was really getting obnoxiously twitchy and moody.

I ordered new pants yesterday, in the next size down.  WOOT!  That makes three pants sizes I've dropped since late July.  I *just* bought new jeans about two weeks ago, and I absolutely loved the way they fit on me ...until this weekend when I started having to hike them up constantly.  We went out to the park for a walk, but didn't get to walk the trail I wanted to because I was getting annoyed at having to hike my jeans up so much.  I actually almost walked right out of them while I was at home cleaning the next day and had to catch them just as they were sliding off my butt.  This all amuses me muchly, aside from the fact that these were the best fitting jeans I've ever owned a couple of weeks ago and I'm a little sad to see them go.  I did wear a belt with them for a while yesterday, but I had too much of the waistband gathered up under the belt and that got to be uncomfortable after a short while.  So, new pants on the way.  At least I've been able to find jeans and pants at great sale prices.  Maybe I can resell them on ebay and recoup some of my money.

I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year.  I'm not one to say "never again", but honestly, it doesn't seem likely.  I like to write a lot, but there are a crazy amount of things that I like to do "a lot".  It always seems to come back to "do what you love", and I've discovered that I absolutely do not love writing enough to deal with a writer's life.  I did NaNo for a few years until I finally hit that 50,000 words in one month, and I really feel like I've checked that off my list of things to do.  I could see trying it again if I was job-free and had absolutely nothing else planned for the month of November and nothing else at all that I wanted to do, ...which I really can't see happening.  I always wish my writing friends the best of luck and fun for NaNo, but I'm pretty much out of that game now.

Found a gem of an old movie on Netflix last night: "Spider Baby".  I was skeptical, but I'd seen just about everything else in the horror category, so I figured I might as well give it a try.  It was delightfully twisted.  I'll definitelty watch it again.

Well, enough yammering.  I'd better get back to my day.  It's been a superhuman effort in recent days to keep myself moving and out of that pit of despair and depression, but the sleep I got last night has helped a ton, and I'm finally feeling motivated to get some stuff done.

I'm in a mood.  It's gotten better since last night when I was laying in bed trying to think about narrow ruled notebook paper because it was the only thing I could hold in my mind that didn't run off down some dark tangent.  I love narrow ruled paper.  It's smooth, neat, and full of possibilities.  Ug, I hate these dark moods though, when even the happiest memories hurt because my brain instantly takes me past everything sweet, straight to a bitter end.  Bad brain.  Bad, broken brain.  ...  Narrow ruled paper is really nice.

It's been a weird week.  Craig picked up some germs last week, and came down with a nasty cold.  He's one of the healthiest almost-never-sick people I know, and this cold kicked his ass.  I got a touch of it, but nothing like what he had, which is also strange because my immune systems S-U-C-K-S!  I get sick ten (or more) times as often as Craig, and I'm pretty sure I've always had colds worse and longer than him too.  I just got a touch of this one.  It didn't settle in my chest (for a change) like his did.  That usually means steroids for me and my asthma.  I got off so lucky this time!

Craig actually went to work Monday and Tuesday, but he came home at lunch on Tuesday, and stayed home all of Wednesday.  He needed the extra sleep, low stress, and the rest for his voice and throat.  We passed the time by busting out the PS2 and playing Champions of Norrath ...for a day and a half.  It was good, quiet, lazy fun, and a nice start to cold weather gaming season.  We don't play video games in the warmer months when there's so much to do outside.

We were supposed to have guests Tuesday through Wednesday, but I had to cancel.  Neither of us were up to entertaining company, and I would've hated to have given Meagan and Greg colds in the middle of their vacation.  Canceling was definitely the thing to do, but it seriously bummed me out.  Hopefully they can come stay with us for a day or two around the holidays.  *fingers crossed*

I'm loving the cold turn in the weather.  We had our yearly furnace cleaning/tune-up on Monday, and it couldn't have been better timed.  We just left it on at that point, and it's been running intermittantly already, keeping our house comfy right as the weather turned.  It would've made that whole being sick thing even more miserable if the furnace wasn't on yet.

Looks like we're going to be getting a new furnace next year, ...or sooner, though we're hoping it'll make it through this one last winter.  *knock-on-wood*  The technician told us it's officially 25 years old, and the life expectancy on that furnace is an average of 18 years.  heh.  Good furnace!  Nice, warm, lovely furnace!  We love you so much!  The technician told us Lennox is raising prices on the parts for our model, since it's old and they're trying to phase it out.  He showed me a few examples of typical parts that have doubled in price, and suggested that if anything broke, it would be most cost effective to buy a new one rather than repair the old.  They've kept that puppy running smooth for us for the ten years we've lived here, and I do know that furnace is old, so we're going to trust the technician on this one.  He also told us there's a 30% tax rebate(?) offer on high efficiency furnaces through 2010, so it definitely makes sense to do all this within the next year.

Ok.  I've rambled on quite a bit more than I'd inteneded to.  When I sat down to blog, I had two things on my mind, my dark mood and one thing in particular that's eating at me today.  That second thing is a serious lack of compassion from a whole lot of people.  It's disheartening to the point of making me think maybe we, as a species, deserve whatever doom we're settings ourselves up for.  ...  We definitely do.  I have a particular example that's hurting me personally this morning, but I don't really want to get into it.  I just wanted to state somewhere that I'm feeling it right here and now, but I'm noticing it everywhere, and it sucks.

I've got my office curtains down and in the wash right now.  Tomorrow we'll take the AC out of the living room window, and I'll wash those curtains, and that's the last of them!  Clean curtains all around!  I know that's really more of a spring chore, but I'm really keen on eliminating as much dust and dirt from this house as possible before we start closing it up for the winter when it's just me and my asthma against a winter's worth of dust.

My office is pretty damn cluttered.  I haven't minded having the curtains down on any of the other windows, but I'm feeling a bit exposed right now.  What a mess!  It's good motivation to get that clutter under control though.

I'm pretty pleased with all the seasonal cleaning I've been doing lately.  I just about have the worst of the dusty corners cleaned out, and I have my chores on a manageable weekly schedule that sees everything getting regularly vacuumed and dusted as a matter of maintenance. 

I've always been somewhat comfortable in a mess.  I like to have the things I'm currently working on laid out within arm's reach, and I like to have the things that need my attention sitting out somewhere to visually nag me.  To an extent, I'm more comfortable with that than I am a neat and tidy home.  I like the lived-in feel more than the magazine-ready look.  The more stuff we pare down though, the easier it is to find a comfortable balance between the two.  I still have lots of stuff I want to sell somewhere, but I'm already at the point where no extra house cleaning is necessary if we wanted to have company.  That's my ultimate goal: to always have the house guest-ready.

Speaking of which, I'd like to start having people over for dinner once in a while.  Yes, I'm still very introverted and I really hate committing to plans, but if the house is clean enough for company, and all I have to do is make dinner, it seems like it would be really nice to entertain once a month or so.  I have really awesome friends and the only reason I haven't done more inviting over the years was because cooking AND cleaning AND getting over my introverted self was just too much.  Two out of three ain't bad though.  :)

So the cleaner house is making me *very* happy.  In other happy Jen news, I saw a number on the scale this morning that has been one of my weight-loss goals for TEN YEARS now!  It's really not a great number, always meant to be just the first step of many, but it's eluded me in all my many years of false starts at getting in shape, to the point where it was starting to feel impossible.  I stepped on the scale this morning though, and VOILA!  There it was!  After weeks of bouncing around just above it, getting close but never quite there.  After feeling like utter shit off and on all week long, wondering if it was allergies or something worse coming on.  After not only skipping yesterday's workout, but also having a latte AND sharing a piece of cheesecake!  On a day I was the least hopeful, there it was!  I did something I almost never do in the morning, and giggled uncontrollably.  That feels really frakking awesome!

I'm down two pants sizes from where I was in mid-July when I started this.  Two pants sizes in two and a half months is progress I'm quite happy with!  It's hard to judge how I look, because I never noticed I was getting fat until I just was, but there are things I'm noticing that make me so very happy.  I have room in the sleeves of my t-shirts because my upper arms are shaping up.  No more sausage arms!  I'm more comfortable in shorts because my legs are more toned.  Specifically, I'm not self-conscious about sitting in shorts because my thighs have some firmness and shape now, and don't simply mold to the surface I'm sitting on.  *L*  The thing that makes me the happiest though is my tummy.  Where some girls have a pooch, ...well, I had enough that I was always expecting people to ask if I was pregnant.  Bleh!  And now I've lost enough that I feel normal.  I don't feel like my belly goes before me everywhere.  I can actually dress without feeling like I have to camouflage, without needing a long shirt that flares out.

I'm not skinny.  I really haven't lost that much, seriously.  But I feel 100 times better for the bit I have lost.  I don't feel fat any more, and that's freaking awesome.  I'd still like to lose about 50 pounds.  That will get me to a very healthy weight, one I haven't seen in 15 years or more.  And it's my goal to get there before my 40th birthday next year, which shouldn't be too terrible.  If I can lose just five pounds a month, which isn't a lofty goal *at all*, I could hit my goal with a month to spare.  Honestly, I expect to hit it even sooner.  I may even be looking swank in a bikini at the start of next summer, which is something I never thought I'd be able to pull off again.  :D  It seems very possible right now though, and just to feel the possibilities again, that's better than what the scale or the labels in my clothes or even the image in the mirror has to say.  I love the possibilities.

So my house is shaping up and my body is shaping up, even our debt is getting paid down at a nice rate.  Next on the list is getting work caught up to the point that I'm working on current issues with the programmers rather than always trying to catch up.  Simaltaneously, I want to be working out my artistic skills on a regular basis -that's HUGELY important to me.  Less than a year away from 40, and it feels like everything is coming together so nicely.  I am one content woman!

What I've learned, what started all of this progress though, was realizing how much easier it is to make improvements when you start out being okay with how things are in the present moment.  When I felt bad about myself or my situations, the thought of making things better seemed so huge, so impossible to achieve.  But when I took stock of the present moment and said to myself, "This is what I have now, and all things considered, this is really pretty damn good," then suddenly small changes seemed not only possible, but enjoyable.  And a small change or two lead to more.  It's so much easier to build momentum when you start with your focus just on the tiniest of movements.  Before you're even aware of it, those tiny movements are adding up pretty quickly.  It's a helluva a trip!

So our employer has managed to get into a health insurance program that emphasizes wellness and offers all sorts of benefits to promote good health, like access to fitness centers, online access to wellness information and experts, lectures and classes, ..., etc.   It's very exciting.  We are both still young and pretty healthy, no kids, so spending a huge chunk of change on health care all these years and only using it for occasional check-ups that could be paid for pretty easily out of pocket starts to grind a little.  I know you buy into health care and hope you never need to really use it, but damn!  That's a lot of money we've been putting out with almost nothing to see for it!  I'm super excited to finally feel like we're getting something back that's worth what we're paying in.  I think it's really smart of the insurer to offer so much incentive and opportunity to stay healthy.  I really hope it pays off for them, because I think everyone should have access to this kind of thing.  I'd like to see wellness programs become the predominant trend in health care.

The cool (and kind of scary) thing about the program is that every time I use a fitness center or log onto the wellness website to access information or attend a class, our employer gets points for it.  So the more participation in the wellness program, the more points accrued, and when it's time to renew the contract next year, a company with employees who take an active role in their own health and fitness will get better rates on the next year's plan.  I love this.  Here, instead of basing rates solely on unfortunate existing health issues that are a financial drain, they're actually giving credit for healthy practices too.

So I just logged into the website today and filled out my required wellness assessment.  I had to do it fast, as soon as I was told it was required, because being physically assessed, even through a questionnaire, makes me feel violated and panicky.  I know.  I'm a freak.  But think about it.  Who likes being lectured about their health?  Who likes being told things they really already know, things like "quit smoking", "lose weight", "eat better".  Doesn't that make you just want to lash out at whoever is telling you the obvious as if it was some sort of great and helpful revelation?  I've lived in this body my whole life.  I know it.  I know me.  I know what my weak points are.  I'll go to a doctor when I don't know what's going on or how to fix it.  Until that happens, there's no one that knows me better than me, and no one needs to be assessing me in any way telling me things I already know.

But, it's a good program, and participation in this counts in a pretty big way towards next year's renewal rates.  Besides, it just might be useful, right?

The questions were extremely vague and all over the place.  I guess it's the best you can do when you need to keep things short and easy to get as much participation as possible. I get that.  It was still kind of weird.

Fortunately, I'm already in the middle of an effort to get healthier, and those efforts helped me score well on this assessment.  I got an overall 74/100, which is in the "very good" range and only one point from the "Excellent" range.  My "health age" according to this assessment is 34.9 years, which I'll take given that I'll turn 39 in less than a week!  My report told me I need to lose weight, and again, DUH!!!  I knew that already!  But I really don't like their use of the BMI index to measure fitness, which they relied on heavily according to my reported results.  BMI is not and was never meant to be a measure of health or fitness!  I thought that was common knowledge by now.  And even though there was a question about the size of my frame, they didn't seem to take that into account given that the BMI results they think I should have are pretty impossible for someone with my frame.  I also didn't like that they counted eggs as a high fat food.  Unless you already have high cholesterol issues, eggs are an *excellent* source of healthy protein.

Ok.  Mostly I wanted to squee about finally having good and useful insurance, and then bitch a little about the issues I had with the wellness assessment.  :)  Am vented.

Oh, and as an addendum to previous entries about working out and feeling like hell, I've read that rebounding can make you feel extremely crappy for a while.  The cycle of weightless at the top of a bounce to increased Gs at the bottom is supposed to be great for stimulating the lymphatic system.  So basically, since I went from mostly sedentary to bouncing every morning, I went through a detox flush of sorts.  I'm not medically knowledgable enough to know if this makes perfect scientific sense, but it sounds like it makes enough sense to explain what I went through.  *shrug*  :)

For over a month, I've gotten up every morning (every weekday morning, at least) and done some cardio before breakfast.  Haven't missed a single weekday.  (I consider weekend cardio as optional - I intend to start filling weekends with fun sports in place of structured workouts.)  This morning I threw in an extra five minutes of cardio just because I could; which is very unlike me, ...well, it was unlike me.

I've been trying to get on the road to fitness for a hell of a long time, but it's been tough for a girl who prefers sedentary activities (is that an oxymoron or what?!) and foods that are terrible for you.  I didn't even like to "play" as a kid.  I'm a bookworm, crafter and artist; almost all of my favorite things to do involve sitting still.  :)

So, what happened?  I started getting joint pain.  I had a vision of my future as a creaky, slow, shaky, overweight woman, and said FUCK THAT!  The phrase "use it or lose it" rang through my head simultaneously with every "ow!"  That's motivation, right there.

I started brainstorming over what kind of movement I do enjoy, and it's a short list.  Swimming was easily at the top, but lap pool access is an expensive and tricky thing to come by, especially when you live out in the boonies.  Dancing was a solid second choice, but unless you have a lot of room and a repertoire of moves, or at least some professional guidance (expensive, again, and on someone else's schedule), it's hard to turn that into a reliable workout.  Third, ...well, I remembered the rebounder I keep stashed under my coffee table, the one I use to bounce away excess stress and anxiety.  I've always *loved* jumping on trampolines!  There was my cardio routine, right there.  I jog, jump and sometimes dance on the thing every morning.  Oh hell yeah, it's fun.  It gets your heart rate up right fast too though!  Don't believe me?  Try jumping for five minutes.  I do thirty minutes minimum of non-stop, knee-up, target heart-rate cardio on it every morning (working up to a goal of forty-five), at least five of which is jumping.  And yeah, I still hate it sometimes, but I also love it just as often if not more, which makes it harder to quit.

I also roll right out of bed and into my jog bra -every morning.  I've learned that once I've started getting ready to workout, it's a lot harder to justify skipping it, so I don't even let myself think about it.  Sit up in bed and immediately put on the workout clothes - no other option,.

I've had a bit of a paradigm shift this last week too.  While panting and sweating and watching the clock impatiently for the passing of each stupid minute I had to endure, I reminded myself that as NOT fun as working out can be, it's really a form of pampering.  I'm not losing time that I could be doing something else so much as I am investing time in me, to make me feel and perform better in so many ways, and yes, to look better too.  I've started thinking about exercise not as "taking my medicine because it's good for me", but more in the same vein as getting my hair done or getting a manicure or shopping for new clothes.  I know that people who already have exercise habits would hear this and think, "DUH!!!" but it really was an eye-opening realization for me, and since having it, I've found that not only do my morning workouts pass more quickly and enjoyably, but I actually look for additional time during the day that I might be able to "sneak in" a little more physical activity.  After almost forty years in quest of the most comfortable sitting position (not joking), I've found that I really do like to move a whole lot more than I ever thought I would.

Good music helps a lot too.  My playlist consists of fast-paced tunes, the ones I can't help but dance to when I hear them.  I need to add some more songs to that playlist real soon though, as it's getting repetitive and too familiar.

This is a long post, but I have more to say, and since I might need to come back to this some day for motivation, I'm going to keep going.  I'll just assume "tl;dr" for anyone who normally reads my blog.  ;)

So I've stuck with this long enough that it's qualified as habit for a couple weeks now, where it's almost automatic that I workout every morning, and the thought of going without actually bothers me.  The inches have been coming off nicely, but not the pounds so much, so last week I started reading labels, and it's been eye-opening in a shocking way.  I look for serving size, calories, fat, protein and fiber, with a glance at type of fat as well as sodium content.  I don't total up anything or run the numbers through any formulas, because that's just the kind of fuss that's kept me from being much of a label reader all along.  I've just tried to be more aware of exactly what I'm eating.  I've made a few healthy changes to my normal eating habits and prefered foods, just baby steps, but I'm feeling better and starting to see the pounds drop too.  It's harder to justify pigging out on crap-food, even on the worst of days, when you know in the moment exactly how bad it is for you and you have an idea of how much more exercise you're going to have to do to make sure those fats and calories don't take up permanent residence on your ass.  When I see obscenely high sugar or fat content on a label, no matter how much I was craving that food a second ago, the reality ot the nutrition nightmare combined with the memory of sweat stinging my eyes just hours ago makes it a no-brainer to put the junk food down and find something else that will fill whatever need I have at the moment.  I'm no health nut or anything, but I'm making tiny painless changes.  I've learned a great lowfat recipe for tuna salad that still uses *a little* mayo and tastes very close to what I've always loved.  I also still enjoy the occasional bit of sugary cereal, because I find one serving of Corn Pops in a little soy milk satisfies my sweet tooth in a way that makes far more sense than high-fat cookies do.  Baby steps are the intention.  I'm not trying to drop weight fast, as nice as that would be.  I'm trying to form a new healthy *and enjoyable* lifestyle in which weight becomes a non-issue.

Last week I also started weighing myself daily.  I know!  I know!  It goes against every bit of advice I've ever heard about weight loss.  I'm finding it helps *me* though.  I'm not the kind of person who has the control issues that go hand-in-hand with eating disorders.  My issue is a "lack of control".  I don't beat myself up over what the scale reads each morning, I just note it as a fact, just one easily measured touchstone of where I am right now.  I let it motivate me when I'm cranky about working out, or when label reading seems like a kill-joy of a chore.  The reality of a daily weigh in has been keeping me out of the denial I've indulged in for so many years.  Now I'm no newb.  I know about fluctuations in weight and water weight and such, and I know the day's number will sometimes be higher than the previous day's.  No worries.  Knowing the reality of where I am just seems to really help me keep moving in the right direction.  The previous weekly weigh-ins left me too many opportunities to think "I can indulge now because I have a few days to make it up before the next weigh-in."  I don't have that as an excuse when the next weigh-in is always less than a day away.

So, I have the new cardio habit and I'm making small and easy changes to my diet.  Next up, this week or next at the latest, I want to add 1-2 swimming workouts/week to my schedule (now that our insurance covers fitness club fees), and once that's my new "normal", another additional 1-2 "freestyle" workouts each week, whatever I feel like doing at the time: weights, pilates, a spinning class, ...whatever.  And that's it really.  That's my whole long-term fitness plan:

Phase 1 - start with 30-45 minutes of cardio before breakfast 5-6 days a week  (check)
Phase 2 - add being more careful about what I eat (check)
Phase 3 - add some biking/tennis/basketball/rollerblading for fun (starting this week)
Phase 4 - add 1-2 swimming workouts/week (starting this week or next)
Phase 5 - add 1-2 additional "whatever I feel like" workouts/week  (likely starting in October, definitely before the end of the year)

Once those things becomes "normal" activities for me, I will stop watching the scale completely no matter what my weight, I will stop feeling guilty when I just want to sit still and do something, and I will stop worrying about my "desk job" killing me with it's lack of physical effort.  It's a simple plan really, realistic and healthy, and I already have almost half of it implemented.

Oh, and I haven't had joint pain in at least three weeks.  :D  Use it or lose it.  I'm NOT losing mine!

- So sorry for the length of this entry.  I hope you burned a few calories scrolling past it at least.  ;)

The past couple of weeks have been physically and mentally rough.  I've been feeling near comatose almost all the time.  I'm still not 100% sure what brought on the lethargy, but I think I'm coming out of it.  I'm guessing it was either allergies, a mild bout of depression, my body adjusting to my new workout regimen, or any combination of those three things.  When I've been able to get up and move around, I've relied heavily on sheer will, large doses of caffeine, and momentum to keep moving.  Most of the time I've just sat at my keyboard and fought to keep my eyes open while wishing I could go to bed.  Getting out of bed has been the hardest part of my days.  I've recently started letting myself sleep in, thinking that if it is the workouts or allergies, the extra sleep might be just what I need.  Maybe that's why I'm feeling like I'm coming out of the haze.  Maybe I should start taking naps. 

I think I've hit the point where my morning workout has become a habit, finally.  I rolled out of bed today and got to it without even thinking about it beyond one sleepy "I do not want to do this!" thought.  And even with that thought in my head, I got dressed and got moving.  Go me!  I'm hoping that if it is my new exercise routine that's dragging me down, I'll snap out of it soon.  I've always had trouble getting into a workout habit because after the sense of accomplishment that gets me through the first couple of workouts, I go through a long period of exhaustion, one I've rarely stuck it out long enough to get through.  It's really hard to stick with exercise for the long haul, when it's making you feel like shit day after day after day.

Anyhow, I am looking for healthy, high-energy food/fuel ideas to try to help my body make the switch to a fitter lifestyle.  I know a few of my friends are kicking major ass on the fitness front, so if any of you have some suggestions, I'd really appreciate them!  I need some help breaking through this miserable sluggishness.

So, it's August now, and I'm feeling it right through to my core.  The weather has been far milder than is typical for this time of year and the greens are still quite lush, but I can feel the cold season coming.  I've noticed the shifting angle of sunlight.  I get so excited for this "downhill" time of year; the second six are definitely my favorite months of the year!  My nesting instincts are shooting organization and decorating ideas at me non-stop, my muse is filling my head with extreme creativity, my craft cabinet shines with golden light and singing angels every time I open the doors.  I need to dive in up to my neck in creative work right now and get this season of inspiration off to the best start ever.

I need to commit to a sketch book for starters.  Breaking in a new one is always so hard.  I have several taunting me with their pristine pages.  Some part of me holds on to the belief that the first drawing sets the tone for every page that follows so it better be good, and tearing out a bad page is not an option - it somehow kills the magik of the whole book.  It's dumb, I know, but logic doesn't always rule in the dark carnival that is my mind.

I kind of want to blog about what I've been up to lately, but aside from work and chores, I can't really remember what I've done.

We did go out to see a friend's band play last Friday.  I was really needing a corner seat and some very loud, live music, but the night got a little weirder than that.  I won't give a play by play, but highlights include some tipsy stranger that bought Craig and I three rounds.  That worked out great for Craig who was drinking beer and got a good buzz, but I had started off the night with a can of Mt. Dew.  Who the hell needs FOUR cans of Mt. Dew?!!!  *L*  (I did NOT drink all of them, just for the record.)  Still, it was really nice (albeit kind of weird) to be kept refreshed all night at no expense to us.  No idea who the guy was.  It's a *very* small place, but too loud for conversation.  We tried to gesture "thanks for the drinks", but that was the extent of our communication.  heh.  Later in the night, a different drunk dude insisted on belting out "Turn the Page" (oof) while our wobbling benefactor did a drunken interpretive dance.  heh.  There were also some country girls grinding on each other awkwardly at one point.   Weird night in a strange little place way out in the middle of nowhere.  Maybe next time I'll take something psychedalic and pretend I'm at the Bang Bang Bar.  (TV/movie reference!  Anyone?)

I seriously cannot recall what else I've been up to the past few weeks though.  That's sad.  I need to snap out of this low-energy tar pit I'm in.

Right now though, I think I'm going to go mark up one of my sketchbooks and show it who's boss.  My muse is sharply tugging my hair for attention.

So I've finally, in my almost 40 years, caught on to the importance of having nice clothes.  It's not about looking better than anyone.  It's about confidence and taking good care of yourself and about being able to put something nice on at a moment's notice if the opportunity to do something comes up rather than trying on everything in your closet and crying because it all still looks as bad as it did the last time you tried it all on.

And of course I know it's a good thing to be slimming down and getting healthier, even if it means I'm shrinking out of my clothes before I've worn them out, or in some cases, before I've worn them at all.  It's still worth it to me to have a wardrobe full of nice things on stand-by, just so I don't have to feel like a schlump whenever I leave the house.

I'm trying to remember these lessons this afternoon because I bought this *really cute* dress this spring.  I had no occasion to wear it when I bought it, I just bought it because I needed at least one dress at the ready and it was really cute!  Did I mention it was really cute?  It fit perfectly when I bought it, and for the first time in over ten years, I wished we'd have an event to go to where I could wear this dress, like a wedding or a fancy party of some sort.

Well, an event finally came up.  It's more of a casual event, but I could still rock this dress there.  I just tried on my lovely dress, and I'm swimming in it.  The tags are still in it.  *sigh*  I even went to the website I ordered it from to see if I could order it a couple sizes down, and they don't have it any more, or any dresses I like even half as much.

It's kind of sad that I can't wear this wonderful dress now, but still I'm happy as all get-out that I'm slimming down!  And I'm glad that I do have a closet filed with other acceptable options, things I'll still feel good wearing.  I might try to take the dress in, or rather, I might take it to a seamstress; it's a lot of flowing georgette that's kind of difficult to work with.  ...Or I might start the hunt for another cute dress.

This is me reminding myself that the money I spent on that dress was *not* wasted, and that it's really a good thing that it's too big on me now.

I went to the dentist today for the first time in WAY TOO LONG!  I hate going to the dentist, and I don't mean that it's unpleasant and I don't like it, I mean I ***HATE*** it.  I've had a long, painful, scary dental history coupled with an intense fear of medical procedures and tools, as well as a strong dislike for being touched, especially around the face and neck.  But, I lost a filling over a month ago and though I knew I would be better off going to get that taken care of before it got worse (no pain yet - knock-on-wood), I just couldn't bring myself to call for an appointment.  It was not happening.  Finally it occurred to me to ask Craig to call for me, which he did.  (Thanks again, Sweetie!!!)  'Cause I swear I was not ever going to call.  Oddly enough, after the initial panic attack when Craig told me I had an appointment, I managed to shove the reality into a dark corner of my mind and not stress over it too much.

So I drove myself to the dentist today, doing my damn best not to think about what I was doing, and had my first appointment in a long time.  The hygienist was extremely kind to me and very gentle.  I think she was slightly amused that I was all clenched fists before she could even get the chair adjusted.  I wouldn't have cared if she laughed out loud at me, so long as she was gentle, and she was very gentle and very nice and never laughed.  I had braced myself for all sorts of "you haven't been here in years so we have a long list of things to fix" news, but my teeth and gums are in good shape!  *WHEW!*  She kept telling me with amazement, "You have really great teeth!"  *thanks the gods of dentistry!!!

So I'm good!  I have an appointment to get my filling replaced on Monday, but I'm just not thinking about that.  I also set up my next six-month appointment already.  The receptionist asked if I wanted to go ahead and set that up, and I said, "I'd better do that now because otherwise, honestly, you'll probably never hear from me again."  heh.

When I got back home there was a package for me on my porch.  It's the sugar skull mold I'd ordered from www.MexicanSugarSkull.com.  I highly recommend them for Dia de los Muertos supplies.  The order shipped very quickly (I ordered on the 16th with standard shipping) and came with all sorts of instructions and information about the holiday.  I've always set up a very small altar for Dia de los Muertos, but this year I've been wanting to make a sugar skull with a crown of ladybugs on it.  My aunt Jadine, who passed away this year, was very fond of ladybugs, and I think she'd get a kick out of a ladybug-crowned sugar skull as an offering and remembrance.  I want to make a skull for Rob too, and maybe my grandparents ...though I don't think they'd be as amused, so I might stick with the usual remembrances for them.  :)  I can't wait to try making the skulls though.  I'll probably give it a go on Friday.

Art class last night was extremely enjoyable.  Both Craig and I are still doing very well.  Our instructor is very good about taking personal time with everyone, and whenever she comes to us, she always says, "You guys are really good!"  :D  That makes me happy.  Still, she does always offer suggestions for improvement, and that makes me even happier.  We're done studying proportion, and are starting value next week, which I'm excited about, and not just because it means I'm done lugging my grocery bag full of still life back and forth every week.  :)

I think we have four more weeks in this class, then there's a break in December before classes start back up in January.  Unless finances get too tight, I'm already ready to sign up for the next class.  Putting myself back in a quality art class is the best decision I've made since marrying Craig (which was my best decision ever!).  I've half joked that I want a degree in visual arts for my midlife crisis, but I'm more sold than ever on that idea.  I need to start researching tuition and schedules and local programs and credit transfers and such.  Maybe for my 40th BDay in two years, I'll go back to school and get the degree I originally wanted!  :D

Ok.  I should quit goofing off.  I need to make some muffins before starting the soup I want to make for dinner tonight.  *slump-yawn*  Or maybe I'll make muffins after dinner.  heh.

Good doctor's appointment!  She was impressed with my vitamin regimen, my healthy blood pressure (was elevated last time) and mostly impressed that I'm using my inhaler a lot less and off my allergy meds all together.  Last time I saw her she wanted to put me on maintenance asthma meds but I talked her out of it, just to see if I could get it in control without more meds.  This morning she asked me if I even wanted her to write another prescription for my rescue inahler.  :D  (I said, "Yes, please."  I'm not that inhaler free yet.)

She did nag me about my blood sugar and my weight, but just a little.  I told her, "Hey!  I'm making progress!  One thing at a time here.  *Regular* exercise is next on the list."  That made her laugh and agree that I'm doing very well.  I promised her I'd start exercising more, drop some weight, mind my diet and be in much better shape when I see her next year, and she was pleased.

*Whew!*  That's a load off my mind!  I was worried about that appointment, mostly about the whole blood pressure thing and that she wanted me on more meds last time.  I'm so relieved!

...And motivated.  Time to start getting in better shape. That really was next on my list of new habits anyhow, but if it keeps my doc from having anything bad to say the next time I see her, that's all the sweeter!  :D

I can't wait to get my glass order!!!  The wait is driving me crazy.  I've been working with the glass I got with my starter kit, basic, versatile colors, but not necessarily colors that excite me.  I'm a color junkie.  Oooooo!  I can't wait for it all to get here!  Fortunately, glass is pretty inexpensive, ...and my order was only expensive because I ordered A WHOLE BUNCH of it!!!  *stifles a squee*

I have some really nice eye protection coming too.  I've been wearing your basic safety goggles that keep me from getting shards of glass in my eye, but if I work too long at the torch, the molten glass glow really bothers me.  I ordered some nice ACE (Amethyst Contrast Enhancer) Didymium lenses that reduce the bright sodium flare and protect against most UV and some IR radiation, while still leaving you able to discern the colors you're working with.  I'm kind of waiting on those to get here before I light up my torch again.

Let's see...  What else is going on besides glass...  (Ooooo, glass!)

I learned you should only buy organic honey from small producers.  Large honey producers feed their bees HFCS (high fructose corn syrup - for those of you living under rocks), and keep the bees on such a high production cycle that they don't process that goop, resulting in honey that can be 1/4-3/4 HFCS!  Something they don't have to list in the ingredients.  :/  I hate the FDA.  They're clearly there to protect big business, NOT consumers.  Anyone who believes otherwise is so naive, they likely need adult supervision just to get through day-to-day life.

The FDA did at least recently rule that HFCS is not a "natural" ingredient.  Industry was arguing it is because it comes from corn, but it's so processed that the end results are nothing even close to natural.  That shit is evil.  We need to ban it from our food already.

What else...?

Craig and I made crab bisque (YUM!) for dinner last night, in honor or Deadliest Catch night.  :)  I also made some cookies in honor of Deadliest Batch.

Still waiting for my glass order.  *pace-pace-pace*

Yep, aside from that, I got nothing.