33 posts tagged “dreams”

Some people have dreams about forbidden lovers or whirlwind adventures; my hot dreams are about usable space!

I had a dream about a house last night, a house in the woods.  At first glance, it was kind of small and the floors were scary uneven.  We had to live there though, so I picked a bedroom and started thinking about color for the walls.  Then I noticed the closet, which was more like a small hallway.  There was another door at the end of the closet/hallway and it opened up on a some strange, high-tech wing of the house.  It was old classroom space.  The rooms were small, but clean and beautifully decorated.  There was a room there for every one of my hobbies, and some of them still had equipment in them.  There was a library, and a kitchen.  There was an archeology room with many shelves full of tiny bins that once held artifacts, but which would soon be holding beads!  There was a chemistry room soon-to-be glass studio with stainless steel tables and an industrial quality fume hood.  There was even a home-ec. room with a couple of sewing machines and a serger.  And every room had tons cupboards and bins and movable walls and a view of the forest.  *le sigh* 

I really hated to wake up from that one.  I opened my eyes just long enough to realize it was only a dream, and I moaned and pinched my eyes closed again, hoping I could get back there.

Argh.  I *really* need to organize something today!  We may even be painting a room this weekend.  heh.

Last night I was uber-cranky and filled with a seething hatred for everything.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to sleep again, but it wasn't long after my head hit the pillow that Rob Lowe was trying to convince me selling a few cars would restore out post-apocalyptic society, while a hungry porcupine ran circles around my ankles.  (Yes, that was really what I dreamt.)

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning, but I did, for fear that sleeping too long would make it harder to get to sleep tonight.  I'm still feeling kind of worn out, but my mood is much improved, fortunately.

Now, however, I'm seeing lots of things on the internet and the morning news that are seriously irritating, so I'm going to hide for a while.

I can't wait for bedtime tonight!  I want some more zs!

I'm finally starting to sleep better, but it's obviously going to take me a few days (nights) to get my brain running again.  It would be nice, in the mean time, if my subconscious would stop featuring my every rejection, awkward moment and personal flaw in my dreams every night.  It's hard enough getting out of bed when you're still tired, but it's even worse when you've spent the night seeing the worst of yourself and you feel like a complete schmuck.

I need a nap.

I've been thinking a ton the past couple of weeks, really huge thoughts.  I've been rehashing some drama and mentally rehearsing some things I'd really love to say to some people.  I've been evaluating where I am in life and thinking about where I want to be.  I've even been having these massive idea storms, big ideas, things that could change lives but which would also be an unbelievable amount of work and painful stretching out of my introverted nature.  I wish my head would shut up for a while, just give it/me a rest.  Even my dreams rain down on me with things that need to be thought about.  It's no wonder I'm not sleeping well.

And it's back to school time again, a favorite time of year for me even now that I'm fantasizing about going back to school.  I know I could put myself back in school, but it's not really that simple, ...or really it's the simplicity of it and not the school so much that I'm wanting.

Life was simple when I was in school.  It's not that it was easy, I know that.  I remember the struggles.  I don't even idealize my childhood because I remember how powerless I felt as a child, not having the ability to help my parents when I knew they needed help.  Life is never easy.  If you remember it being easy, you were either comfortably ignorant or you're forgetting something. 

What was simple though was my path.  I didn't have so many demands on my attention, so many distractions, so many possessions and possibilities and opportunities.  I had what I had and I did what I had to do.  I miss *that*.

I've been so very tempted the past couple of days to ramp up the slow and steady cleaning up of my life, and just walk through the house with a trash bag sweeping large armfuls of "no longer me" into the trash, just to be rid of it.  I want the mass sort and purge to be done already.  I don't think it's a bad idea.  It's terrifically wasteful and it would cost us a small fortune in trash-tags, but it might be worth it just this once, a complete cleaning of the slate and a real new start.

This is the dream I just woke up from.  It's long and weird and convoluted, but it amused me greatly, so I wanted to put it down here under my "dream" tag for my future personal amusement.  If anyone is still reading this, you'll probably want to just skip it.  Seriously.

I was in a huge mansion with a bunch of friends.  We were trying on gothy clothing and listening to music and just having a silly good time.  Maybe it was a Convergence?  I'd put on a gorgeous, long dress, and after helping Tarasa find someone she was trying to prank, I stepped outside for some air.

There was this Demi Moore type person and a Bruce Willis type person, both older than me and far more badass.  They were standing at the edge a a creepy dark alley arguing, and I do mean creepy-dark.  There was a wall of darkness right at the boundary, like a black fog.  All of a sudden Demi took off running into the darkness.  Bruce swore and went running in after her.  I was close enough to this creepy place that I'd rather be in it with other people than next to it alone, so I ran in too, chasing the faint movement I could see ahead of me. 

Bruce caught Demi and I slammed right into both of them.  Bruce threw us into this cramped, moldy cardboard shanty and told us to stay there quietly until he got back.  There was a flithy, green satin ribbon hanging from the top of the shanty, and Demi pulled it, damn her!  The box started to descend into the street, like some crazy hobo-town elevator.  I get a glimpse of some of the creatures we passed on the way down, and Goblin Kingdom seemed like the most fitting description for where we were.

We got to the bottom and I pulled the ribbon again, and to my relief, we start to ascend.  We didn't make it to the top though.  Our elevator stopped about mid-way, where it looked like the Goblin Queen was holding court.  Thankfully, I'm still in that long dress I'd put on, and I kind of blend in with some of the lower class people milling about. 

There was a musical production going on for the Queen's amusement, guys in huge horse costumes singing and dancing and telling jokes.  I'm actually laughing, forgetting where I am, until the Queen stops the production and calls out the woman next to me.  The Queen scolds her for having some illegal substance saying, "If you want to get high, you are provided with ____ (some word I can't remember).  She orders the woman to take this provided drug out of her purse, and give half of what she had to the peasant next to her, me.  The woman hands me this packet of wet papers that smell like paint thinner.  I'm staring at them in what I hope looks more like wonder than revulsion, stalling for time, while the Queen is watching me expecting me to put this solvent smelling crap in my mouth.  Something distracts the Queen for a second and I stuff the papers in my purse.  When she looks back at me, I do my best to unfocus my eyes and fake the giggles, and that seems to convince her I've obeyed her implied orders.  She calls an intermission, and I can't get out of there fast enough.

The crowd wanders off to a market ares, and I see that some of my goth friends have made it down here and done some shopping.  Algernon proudly shows me some Masonic relics he found at the goblin market.

I go wandering off in no particular direction, and I see David Boreanez.  He looks at me, sees that I recognize him and gets a kind of panic in his eyes.  He grabs this little old lady walking by, says, "Hey, Babe," and lays this intense kiss on her, like being with someone will keep a crazy fan from approaching him or something.  The woman is stunned and obviously blows his cover, and he looks back at me still panicked.  I just laugh and as I walk by, I stop to straighten his tie and tell him, "You're cute Sweetie, but your not that cute," and I walk away giggling.

I'm walking down a long set of stairs that are getting shallower, which is making me pick up my step until the point that the steps have smoothed into a ramp and I'm running down completely out of control.  I was trying to stop myself while navigating through the crowded market place, but even after planting both my feet, I kept sliding.  I slid right through a yoga class and just barely managed to not run into anyone..

The yoga thing did it.  That was too weird for even me and I finally woke up from this crazy dream.

I don't know what I want to say, but I keep coming back here to try and say something, ...so, yeah.

I didn't do anything yesterday.  I had what felt like a terrible head cold.  I thought it was allergies, but taking allergy meds did nothing but make me drowsy and depressed in addition to trying to manage sneezing fits and a runny nose.  It was a lovely day.  :p

Then last night my subconscious beat me about the head and psyche with very personal bad dreams all night long.  All my weaknesses and failings were featured, *and* I was lectured at length on all of my unrealized potential.  Let me tell you, I woke up just feeling aces today.  Pft.  I tried to work through the mucky dream residue, but have decided to just ignore it as best as I can until I can burn it all to crispy black dust.

So today my head is feeling physically better, but my brains are haunted.  I really don't know what to do about anything at the moment.  I don't even know what I would want to do if I could just ignore all the head noise.  I'm feeling kind of lost and very out of sorts.  meh.  It's just one of those days.  Things always get messier at first when you're tying to make improvements.

The more exhausted I am, the more I long to live oceanside. 

I survived a Polish wedding yesterday.

All I can seem to focus on this morning is the Atlantic and how much I want to be there.

My dream house is an old, seaside house on a small cliff over looking the Atlantic.  It has tiny rooms, wooden floors that pop and creak, lots and lots of windows (with functional storm shutters), three floors plus a widow's walk, and a mostly rocky, wild yard with just enough workable soil for a small garden.  Neighboring homes can be close enough to see, but not to hear.  I won't have a lot of stuff: some simple furniture, necessities like cookware, my piano, a few books, lots of vases for fresh-cut flowers, dusty throw rugs and lots of worn but soft and warm blankets.  I'd also like a large claw-foot tub under a window that looks out on the ocean.  Everything will always be coated in sand tracked back from frequent walks down to the beach.  The third floor is mostly attic space, one big room, that I'll paint bright white and turn into studio space for Craig and I to craft in.  We'll have a tv, but it'll be off most of the time because I'd rather gaze out at the ocean than watch *anything* on the television.  We'll have a really nice telescope we can set up on the widow's walk in good weather.

...I can hear the waves, smell the sea, and feel the gritty sand between my bare feet and the floor boards, I want this so bad.  If you ever see my house, tell it I'm looking for it, tell it to find me.

Some day.

We have to meet with Craig's family again for lunch today, but if there's time afterward, Craig said he'd take me out to Lake Erie, my smaller, inland, salt-free stand-in ocean.  I'm pretty excited about that!

My best dreams either involve the ocean or the snowy mountains.  This morning I got the snowy mountains.  Snow dreams are tricky because I always want to sled or ski, but almost always, by the time I get my sled or skis ready the snow has melted.  This morning there was a ton of snow and another three feet in the forecast.  There weren't really mountains, more like long rolling foot hills, so I was cross-country skiing.  There were some people in my dream, some old friends and some new I met in the dream, but conversation was easy and we were all enjoying the snow and it was just perfect.

Yeah, in the real world I'm ready for spring, but I'll take a night of perfect skiing any time!

Please, please, please, PLEASE, body, fight off whatever it is you're fighting right now!  I can feel that telltale ache under my arms, so I know you're fighting something.  I will eat right and take my vitamins and drink my tea and get lots of rest, just please spare me that yuck that's going around right now.  *grovel*

I did sleep extremely soundly last night, so that was really good.  I had weird dreams though.  I apologize to the bored and curious, but I'm just going to sum up enough here so I can remember the imagery: forgotten hungry rats, spiders, GIANT SPIDERS, mob boss spider captured, Craig carrying me on his shoulders, laughter, and old house full of tchotchke.

I finished reading "Labyrinth" by Kate Mosse on Sunday.  I've read the reviews and know that though it was a best seller across the pond, a lot of people really did NOT like it.  I know my tastes tend to differ from popular opinion, but I really don't see the reason for the hate.  I thought it was a really good read.  I mean, I wouldn't give it any awards or anything, but I thoroughly enjoyed the story to the point where I had trouble putting it down.  The weird thing is, I miss it.  I mean, I've read books that were definitely fantastic fun and found myself wanting more.  This story, while good, wasn't *that* great.  I still miss it though.  I miss the settings and the characters.  I keep wanting to go pick up the book and read some more, not to have more plot revealed, but just to be back in the book for a while.  ...Maybe I should just plan a trip to southern France (where the story is set).

It's supposed to rain and possibly even thunder today.  It's getting darker as the day goes on today, rather than brighter.  :)  I like these kinds of days.  I would rather it was cold enough to snow, but rain is still good weather.  Cold front comes in tonight though, so maybe snow tomorrow.  *crosses fingers*

Ok.  Time to get back to productive work.

My body aches from my forehead to the bones in my feet and everything in between.  I feel like one big bruise.  I think I may be coming down with something, but I'm going to fight it with everything I have, from tea and vitamins to sheer will power.

We had the last of our winter holiday celebrations this weekend and had a few friends over for the annual viewing of White Christmas (and the required bloody marys).  We had people come from Cleveland, Columbus, just over the line in Michigan and even as far away as Baltimore!  It was fabulous to visit with everyone.  We have the best friends.  We watched some Venture Brothers, White Christmas and Cannibal the musical.  After that, Stephanie and Ben set up their Wii, which they were *SO* kind to bring(!!!) and we played silly games until the wee (Wii?) hours of the morning.  Good times!

The next morning was nice and lazy.  Anne and Elizabeth crashed with us, and we all woke up late, had a little brunch, saw Elizabeth off, and got a little PS2 in with Anne before she had to take off.  Good times.

It needs saying again...  We have the best friends.  Good people.  *group hug*  :)

Craig and I knew we wanted a Wii before Stephanie brought hers over, but now that we've had a taste, we HAVE TO HAVE ONE!  That was hella good fun!  They are a bitch to find right now though.  Argh.  I had a chance to pick one up before Christmas when I happened upon one by accident, and I passed because I wanted to consult Craig before spending that much money.  Stupid me.  heh.  We will get one.  And no, I won't pay $600 for some crazy-ass bundle of crappy games.  The hunt is so on!

This weather is so weird.  It's supposed to be in the lower 60s today.  In January.  In NW Ohio.  WTF?  I'm trying to remind myself that "normal" weather for this part of the world is pretty much anything *but* normal.  I mean, it has snowed in July here too.  But still, it feels wrong.  The sky is wrong, the light is wrong, the air is wrong.  It's all wrong.

Between the weird weather and this all-over ache I can't kick, I'm not sleeping well.  I don't know if the ache prevents sleep or the lack of sleep makes me ache, but this has been a bad weekend for sleep.  I'm too hot, too cold, too wired, too exhausted, just everything but able to sleep.  Friday night I was up at least once an hour, Saturday I lay in bed wide awake for most of the night, and last night I was back to sleeping in fits.  Needless to say, I feel very zombified right now.  I got a nap yesterday, just leaned on the arm of the sofa and was out.  I'm going to try to stay awake all day today with the hopes that I'll sleep tonight then, but we'll see.

And speaking of sleep and general weirdness, I had some intense dreams this weekend, the kind that felt more like messages rather than the general head noise.  ...argh.  There's no way to say this really, without sounding like some Twilight Zone flake, but I can feel something coming.  I don't know what it is yet, just that I'm excited about it.