42 posts tagged “art”
*L* I just noticed that the "Chihuly Toledo!" exhibit has been extended through February 3rd since the last time I'd checked the dates. We're still going today though. I have my heart set on a trip to the museum now. :)
The challenges of the past few weeks are now history. Mia has a reservation for boarding, we're ready for our trip to Ireland, work is caught up for the first time since I took that job years ago, our sewer and water main will be replaced while we're away, and my sister and I managed to actually surprise my mom with a 60th birthday party at my house last night. Challenges are behind me, vacation is just ahead, and my house is squeaky clean. Today I finally feel like myself for the first time in many months. I can breathe ...and just sit, without guilt or anxiety or anything hanging over my head.
We're going to go to my house of worship today, the museum! There are four totally awesome exhibits there right now that I've been really wanting to see, but something has always seemed more pressing. By the time we get back from Ireland, the "Chihuly Toledo!" exhibit will have ended. As a glass artist, I -will not- miss this exhibit, so that's really the only thing on my plan for the day so far. We may or may not check out the other exhibits too. They're all free (love our museum!!!), but the other three will also be running for a bit longer, so we'll have time to catch them on future visits.
The party last night was a smashing success. My mom was genuinely surprised. :) My sister made a gorgeous and -delicious- cake. It had Baileys in it, lots of chocolate flowers and tons of buttercream frosting....unf. Everyone had a good time. Craig talked radio with the uncles. The kids were totally enchanted with the bunny, who, surprisingly, didn't seem to mind them too much. Uncle Mats thought our potrack was brilliant (thanks, Deb & Brian!) and since we still had the other one from the set in the garage, we we able to send them home with one. Everyone talked and talked and laughed and laughed. Good times.
I don't believe in regrets. I'm so very happy with my life as it is now, with all the experiences I've had and all the fabulous people I'm privileged to have known. Every once in a while I do let a "what if" wander through my brain though. There's only really one I'm at all interested in, and sometimes I just wonder how things might be different if I'd made a different choice.
The biggest "what if" in my life to date is, "What if I'd studied art instead of engineering?" I honestly don't remember why I made the choice I did. I remember my elders and mentors praising me for even considering engineering, telling me it would provide a secure future. I know science has always excited me, and I remember being eager to learn the answers to a whole bunch of why/how questions in my studies. But I don't remember what that extra bit of motivation was that made me choose the difficult and exciting road of science over my passion, the one thing I was always thoroughly content doing, art.
I don't regret my choice, even though I hated most of my classes, quickly realized I did NOT want to work as an engineer EVER, and quit just shy of qualifying for graduation when the money and my stamina ran out. That path lead me to some of the happiest memories and opportunities of my life, and even some extremely difficult moments that are still precious to me for their lessons. It was a most excellent adventure.
But, ...what if? What if I had chosen what I knew, what I felt was me to my core? It seemed like the easy path then because I knew I loved art with every fiber of my being. Did I pass it over because it seemed too easy? Would it have been fulfilling and natural to me? Surely there would've been just as many challenges down this road. That's just how life works, right? I just couldn't see them around the corners. I didn't get that cliff-diving adrenaline rush thinking about doing what I know and love. I was probably craving the excitement of the unknown over comfortable familiarity. But what would life have been like down that path? I honestly wonder.
Yesterday, while cleaning out an old box of memories I haven't touched in ten years or more, I found a letter from an art professor at the university I attended. I would've been a junior in high school when I got this. The important part reads:
Congratulations on the acceptance of your art work in the 31st Downtown Art Exhibition.
I would be happy to meet with you and show you around the studios of the University Art Department at the Museum. [contact info]
Once again, congratulations on your success.
I don't remember this letter at all. It was already haunting my dreams last night though, just hours after finding it. I can't imagine that it wouldn't have made my heart skip a beat with excitement, that it didn't make me second guess the whole engineering thing. It chokes me up a little now. It's always been a dream of mine to make my living by making art, even when I was being romanced by science and engineering. Why didn't I at least go take a look? ...I probably didn't have any faith in my own work. I can kind of remember thinking there was no way I was talented enough to follow that path. Engineering must've seemed so much more promising. Heh. I've never worked as an engineer though, and I'm still pining for an artist's life. Live and learn.
Well, the beautiful thing about life is that it's never too late to chase your dreams. University was a grand adventure, and engineering really was a delightful bitch of a challenge. I learned so much, and made such good friends and priceless memories. Maybe everyone has to spend some time in life doing something you don't want to do, and I was lucky to get that out of the way early and move on. Now I just need to keep doing my best to forge a new path between the road I took and the one I could have taken. I will get there somehow, dragging everything I found on that first road with me.
I'm getting really tired of so very much again. Overstimulated. I've been clenching my jaw so tight for over a week now that I have near constant headaches and jaw pain. It's time to retreat from the world again and recharge my sanity and sense of wonder. No more tv, no commercial radio, no news. No reading controversial blog posts or following links to articles that feed the flames of my misanthropy.
And even though I love my job, I'm coming up on the end of one version and ready to start the next, left with the tedium of tying up loose ends, which always makes me feel like Sisyphus.
I need some time off, from everything.
I can't afford much time off from work right now, but I'm taking the rest of today at least, and maybe some or all of tomorrow. The plan is to get myself grounded again, and then I can make up the time off, even this weekend if I have my head together by then.
I don't know that it's just my own issues that have me worn thin right now, but it feels like more, like some weird pressure or storm cloud hanging overhead. I've never much believed in that "veil is thin this time of year" stuff, but there does seem to be an abundance of weirdness. Normally the weirdness delights me. Like the feeling of a hand tucking me in at night, or the gourd I found, plucked from my own garden and left like a gift on the corner of my deck where I like to sit. Probably some squirrel leaving a lunch that he didn't like, but I find those kinds of weird things delightful all the same, especially if you entertain less "sensible" explanations. Ordinary is boring, and harmless out-of-the-ordinary things are delightful in comparison.
Last night though, some weirdness freaked my rabbit out and got her thumping the floor in warning about every ten seconds or so, for maybe twenty minutes. I had just managed to fall asleep after about an hour of meditating on boring objects like straight pins and two-by-fours, trying to get my brain to SHUT THE HELL UP! There was some commotion from downstairs that woke me, and then the thumping started. I went downstairs to check it out, but all the windows and doors seemed secure and nothing was overturned. I sat on the floor and looked under the bed where Mia was hiding. She was freaked. I sat there for a while, talking to her and trying to coax her out with treats, while she continued to beat her foot on the floor. Eventually she came out, and after a little while longer, she crept tentatively back into her room, taking a few steps with her front feet, eyes wide and ears at attention, then after a second or two, her back feet would catch up. She pause again and listen, then creep forward with her front feet again, like some gigantic, furry inchworm, I followed her ever cautious steps into the room and gave her some fresh food, told whatever scared her to knock it off, and shut off the light, ...at which point she ran back under the bed in the next room and thumped the floor again. *sigh* I went back to bed, only hearing a couple more thumps, and spent another hour trying to get back to sleep.
So there lies a lot of my problem today. My sleep was hard fought for and restless at best. My brain has been on overdrive night and day for days now, only temporarly quieted by meditation and sleep when I can get it. And then things just feel kind of off in general.
So I retreat. Self-imposed quiet time. And art. I need to channel all this overstimulation and wild energy into something, so I will draw and craft myself back to sanity. Because right now, and for the past couple of days, I'm most wanting to channel it into a fight with any and every person or thing that confronts me. And my teeth hurt.
For starters, if it's not raining, I might go sit out back and just stare at my gourd for a while, ...maybe fill the bird feeders and leave some extra seed and nuts out for whatever rodent delivered such a fine and only barely tasted offering.
The past couple of weeks have been physically and mentally rough. I've been feeling near comatose almost all the time. I'm still not 100% sure what brought on the lethargy, but I think I'm coming out of it. I'm guessing it was either allergies, a mild bout of depression, my body adjusting to my new workout regimen, or any combination of those three things. When I've been able to get up and move around, I've relied heavily on sheer will, large doses of caffeine, and momentum to keep moving. Most of the time I've just sat at my keyboard and fought to keep my eyes open while wishing I could go to bed. Getting out of bed has been the hardest part of my days. I've recently started letting myself sleep in, thinking that if it is the workouts or allergies, the extra sleep might be just what I need. Maybe that's why I'm feeling like I'm coming out of the haze. Maybe I should start taking naps.
I think I've hit the point where my morning workout has become a habit, finally. I rolled out of bed today and got to it without even thinking about it beyond one sleepy "I do not want to do this!" thought. And even with that thought in my head, I got dressed and got moving. Go me! I'm hoping that if it is my new exercise routine that's dragging me down, I'll snap out of it soon. I've always had trouble getting into a workout habit because after the sense of accomplishment that gets me through the first couple of workouts, I go through a long period of exhaustion, one I've rarely stuck it out long enough to get through. It's really hard to stick with exercise for the long haul, when it's making you feel like shit day after day after day.
Anyhow, I am looking for healthy, high-energy food/fuel ideas to try to help my body make the switch to a fitter lifestyle. I know a few of my friends are kicking major ass on the fitness front, so if any of you have some suggestions, I'd really appreciate them! I need some help breaking through this miserable sluggishness.
So, it's August now, and I'm feeling it right through to my core. The weather has been far milder than is typical for this time of year and the greens are still quite lush, but I can feel the cold season coming. I've noticed the shifting angle of sunlight. I get so excited for this "downhill" time of year; the second six are definitely my favorite months of the year! My nesting instincts are shooting organization and decorating ideas at me non-stop, my muse is filling my head with extreme creativity, my craft cabinet shines with golden light and singing angels every time I open the doors. I need to dive in up to my neck in creative work right now and get this season of inspiration off to the best start ever.
I need to commit to a sketch book for starters. Breaking in a new one is always so hard. I have several taunting me with their pristine pages. Some part of me holds on to the belief that the first drawing sets the tone for every page that follows so it better be good, and tearing out a bad page is not an option - it somehow kills the magik of the whole book. It's dumb, I know, but logic doesn't always rule in the dark carnival that is my mind.
I kind of want to blog about what I've been up to lately, but aside from work and chores, I can't really remember what I've done.
We did go out to see a friend's band play last Friday. I was really needing a corner seat and some very loud, live music, but the night got a little weirder than that. I won't give a play by play, but highlights include some tipsy stranger that bought Craig and I three rounds. That worked out great for Craig who was drinking beer and got a good buzz, but I had started off the night with a can of Mt. Dew. Who the hell needs FOUR cans of Mt. Dew?!!! *L* (I did NOT drink all of them, just for the record.) Still, it was really nice (albeit kind of weird) to be kept refreshed all night at no expense to us. No idea who the guy was. It's a *very* small place, but too loud for conversation. We tried to gesture "thanks for the drinks", but that was the extent of our communication. heh. Later in the night, a different drunk dude insisted on belting out "Turn the Page" (oof) while our wobbling benefactor did a drunken interpretive dance. heh. There were also some country girls grinding on each other awkwardly at one point. Weird night in a strange little place way out in the middle of nowhere. Maybe next time I'll take something psychedalic and pretend I'm at the Bang Bang Bar. (TV/movie reference! Anyone?)
I seriously cannot recall what else I've been up to the past few weeks though. That's sad. I need to snap out of this low-energy tar pit I'm in.
Right now though, I think I'm going to go mark up one of my sketchbooks and show it who's boss. My muse is sharply tugging my hair for attention.
I have tea and cake. That makes for a good morning.
Last night was our last art class for this session (and probably until autumn, at least) and the very last class at the museum for our instructor, who's worked there eleven years. She's not leaving in the happiest of situations and I wanted to do something nice to make sure the day had some happy memories in it for her, so I did what I do and baked treats.
I spent all of yesterday baking. I made a batch of chocolate espresso cookies first, and as I was putting the last of them in the oven, I noticed that the bag of chocolate chips was still sitting there on the counter. D'OH! I thought that might explain why the cookies weren't spreading in the oven. I made the citrus pound cake next. That came out perfectly. I did cut the hell our of my thumb when zesting the lemon though. argh. While the cake was baking, I dug around in my cupboards and found that I had enough bitter chocolate to make another batch of cookies, with chocolate chips this time, so I did that when the cake came out of the oven. The cookies still didn't come out quite right. I was discussing them with my art teacher (who also bakes - I love that woman!), and she suggested that maybe my baking powder is getting old, and I'm betting that's my problem. They still tasted great, they just weren't as pretty as they usually are. Everyone in class loved the treats though. There was a lot of "MMMMM!" while people worked. :)
I'm really going to miss Tracey (our instructor). Last night while I painted, we talked about baking, glass and knitting, and she talked woodshop stuff with Craig. We just have so much in common and conversation is so effortless that we never seem to have enough time to talk about everything. I'm ashamed to say I get a little irritated when the other people in our class need her attention for something, because there's just so much I want to discuss with her. She even graduated high school the same year we did. She went to a very popular high school in town and I know quite a few people from her graduating class. We're going to try keeping in touch in email, but I know she's an extremely busy woman and I'm thinking that might not work out. I hope it does though, because I'm really going to miss her!
Craig and I were thinking about taking a beginner's welding class at the museum next, but I think we're going to take a few months off. I think art classes might be reserved for the colder seasons when we tend to get a little cabin fever. Now that the days are warming up, I want to be out in the yard or at my torch and Craig's jonesing for garage time. There's so much stuff at home to hold our attention, and a class right now feels more like a distraction than a treat. I definitely want more classes when the weather starts keeping us indoors again though. That was definitely money well spent!
I have some swelling on on side of one of my fingers. It's getting a little uncomfortable. I have no idea what it's from. I don't remember hurting that finger. There's a cut on that finger, but it'sover a week old, on the non-swollen side and it's just about healed, just the faintest mark remains. I wonder if it's a spider bite? Weird.
I didn't want to go to art class last night. I knew I should though, so I made mac & cheese my motivation. Panera's mac & cheese is delightfully comforting, and when you get it with a salad, the portion is just about right so that I don't feel terribly guilty. Guess what Panera has stopped offering? :/ My brain was so broke yesterday, I actually almost cried because I couldn't have mac&cheese. Stupid, but true.
Craig didn't want to go to class either. We're both really burnt out and nearly brain dead. We went though, because we knew we should.
And it was good. Art class is something you can do even when your brain is broken. I didn't enjoy it as much as I normally do. Not only was I not in the mood to draw, but my teacher was showing me her knitting project, and it just got me jonesing for my own knitting project. If I'd brought it with me, I probably would've spent my art class knitting.
It was a weird class, or just a weird night rather. When we got there, the security guard was staring across the street at a guy and what looked like a younger girl. They were just sitting at a picnic bench, but the security guard looked like a dog straining against a chain he was so fixated on the people across the street. It was weird. I don't know why he didn't just cross the street and ask what they were up to. He was very obviously concerned about them for some reason.
Then, in the middle of class, some alarm went off. I was fidgety anyhow, so I wandered off to find out what it was. It was coming from the locked room next door, the only room I've seen with a keypad entry. Weird. By the time I'd come back to class to report my findings and our teacher started to call security, there was already someone out there turning it off.
I'm thinking of running away for a day or so. Craig and I both really need a change of scenery. We can't leave our elderly bunnies alone for much more than 24 to 48 hours, but that would get us an overnight stay by the lake somewhere. I occasionally find myself searching for hotel rooms overlooking Lake Michigan, something within a few hours' drive, some place with a nice park or preferably a beach and some nice local restaurants. I just want to pack some art supplies and a change of clothes, maybe the kites, in the car, and go be by the water for a day or so. Quiet and lakeside are the requirements. I really think that would do us a world of good. At the very least, it would make it more likely we could get past Wednesday next week before feeling mentally fried to a crisp.
Ok. I need to go ice this stupid finger or something. WTH???
I've been managing to stay off allergy meds so far this season, though the mornings are brutal. My symptoms seem to mellow out by lunch time though, so I'm still not wanting to take my meds and endure the craptastic side-effects.
It's been a rough week or so though. Allergies, hormonal issues, sleeping problems ...all likely related. There have been a few terrifying health crises in the family. There was a yelling match with my dad. (Well, really, he pushed the buttons and I did all the yelling.) My brain has been quite scrambled which makes every minute of work a constant uphill battle. I've had my moments of losing my cool (yelling at Dad, blowing up in my blog, pouting, etc.), but for the most part I've been pretty good about riding out everything going on. What can you do? Life has these cycles. I believe you can choose how you feel about things. I may react in the heat of it all, but when my senses return I choose to believe that everything will work out in the end, and the bigger picture is still sunny and full of opportunities and blessings.
Life has had it's rough spots the past several days, but there's still a lot of good going on.
I spent some time online shopping for warmer weather clothes, and my purchases have started arriving. I have a fun trench coat that I need to exchange for a smaller size, but the dress I fell in love with when I saw it online fits like it was tailor-made for me, *and* the materials and construction are of excellent quality! I *LOVE* my new dress! I don't know if we'll be dressing up for easter visiting, but you'd better bet I'm finding as many reasons as possible to wear my new dress in the coming months!
My interchangeable knitting needles came in the mail today! Just in the nick of time too. The project I'm working on has just about outgrown the circulars I have it on. I love these needles! This was a very good investment! I have to get out my label maker today and label and arrange the storage case. (Organizational lust!) I'm also at a point where I need to make a new set of stitch markers for this project. ...Which brings me to:
BEADS! It's torching weather again! I've got a little cleaning and organizing to do in the mudroom today, and then I'm setting up my torch!!! *SQUEE!* I will be ordering an exhaust fan before next week is over too (FINALLY!) so I can get my kiln fired up here soon! I'm so excited to get back to hot glass though! I've been daydreaming about making ribbon cane and hollow beads for weeks. :)
Craig and I only have two weeks left of art class, and we've been talking about what comes next. We'd discussed taking a break from classes and just practicing what we've learned so far, mostly for the financial reasons, but then the new course catalog came in the mail! heh. I'm 99.99% sure we're signing up for beginning welding! It's not terribly expensive and it's one of the few crafts that neither of us has any experience in. There's an initial five week course, with a continuing second five weeks you can register separately for. It's looking like we're going to sign up for the first five and just try it to see if we want to continue with the second five. ...I can almost guarantee we would though, what with the way we collect hobbies. :)
It's almost noon and my nose has finally stopped running! YAY!!!!!! Now, I've got some work to do if I'm going to set up my torch today. I love weekends!!!!!!!!!!
Monday night we had dinner with a few people from Craig's amateur radio club, very good people. I was at ease with them instantly and really enjoyed getting to know them. ...I enjoyed it enough that I'm considering getting myself a basic, technician class license and joining the club too, just so I can keep meeting with them without feeling like the odd man out. So that's something to add to my already spilling-over plate in the near future. *rolls eyes* Can you say "masochist"?
Tuesday I had my mom over for lunch and a movie. I had "The Secret Life of Bees" out from Netflix and wanted to watch it with someone who was truly interested. (Craig said he'd watch it with me, but it was totally for me and not because he wanted to see the movie - still, points for him for offering!) That was one of my favorite books within recent years, and I was excited to see how the movie was done. I enjoyed it quite a lot. They stayed pretty true to the story, but they left out some of my favorite elements and scenes, the ones that took it from just a feel-good, self-discovery type story into something touched by magic. Very enjoyable all the same but, as usual, the book was better.
Wednesday was art class. We did water color under pen & ink. Well, they did. I spent the whole class just putting down the watercolor. I still have to put some ink over it. I always forget how much I love watercolor until I've got a paint-laden brush in my my hand. I think I have to dedicate some space in my room upstairs specifically to watercolor, so I never have to do more than get a fresh jar of water before sitting down to paint.
We got some sad news though: our teacher's position is being eliminated. Not only is she a great teacher, but she's my kind of people. I'm hoping she and her fiance' have a little room in their social circle for us. We're the same age, we share a lot of the same hobbies, from knitting to scroll-saw and lathe work to hot glass even, they don't want to be parents either, they like to travel, her fiance' is a technology geek, ... I just love talking to her, and I'm hoping we can keep in touch.
Thursday was our monthly "writer's group" meeting, where we get together and talk about anything but writing. heh. Always *LOTS* of laughter there. Good times!
So now it's Friday and this introvert is worn out from the week full of people and socializing. I'm not as cranky and exhausted as I expected to be though, which I attribute partially to spring-time energy but mostly to the excitement of reconnecting with a bunch of old friends on Facebook. It was the weirdest thing, but when we were rearranging furniture recently, I had to move all my memorabilia and old photos, and after quickly flipping through some photos, I got to thinking about some of my old classmates and high school friends and wondering what they were up to. Well almost everyone I'd thought about has popped up on Facebook this week, even my BFF from grade school who moved far away and I never expected to hear from again! I've missed all of my old friends, but life has a way of taking you in different directions and you sometimes just lose touch. Things get busy, you meet new people, next thing you know it's been years and you don't know how to get a hold of anyone or (in my case anyhow) just feel awkward about it. I've been working on my social skills this year, reminding myself to check in with people and trying to reserve more energy for get-togethers, and now I'm so happy to have some old friends back in my life, I'll definitely be working to stay in touch with them all!
And speaking of Facebook, I find the uproar over the new layout kind of amusing. Yeah, I think they made some bone-headed decisions, but things change, and not always for the better - that's just life. *shrug* And, it's a free service anyhow! ...I don't know... I 've gotten used to it already and don't even remember how it worked/looked before.
So, tonight is the two-hour final episode of BSG. Bittersweet. *sigh* Like many others, I've long been worried that it'll end with some damn cliff-hanger that won't be resolved until the movie. I probably ought to remove all throwable objects heavier than a pillow from arm's reach, just in case. But yeah, that's what we'll be doing tonight. Craig says after it's over, we're pulling out the DVDs and starting over from the beginning. It's all happened before, and it'll all happen again. ;)
Craig and I rolled out of bed this morning, straight into the shower, and then out the door. He took me first to breakfast, and then to my very first hamfest (amateur radio enthusiast swap meet). That was ... weird. It looked to a non-radio person like myself as if a bunch of people had ripped the electronic components out of everything they could, thrown it all in Tupperware containers and laid it all out over a huge hall full of tables to try to sell. Craig seemed to enjoy looking through it all, and I had a belly full of pancake, so I was content just to walk around holding his hand.
We did run into a couple of the guys from his local radio club, and I got to meet their wives. They're all very nice people. There's a club meeting tomorrow night and I had no plans to go until the ham-wives (oh gods, I'm a ham-wife!) told me everyone always goes out to dinner before the meeting and I should come along. So I'm looking forward to that tomorrow!
After the hamfest, we went book shopping (picked up a book on pen and ink with watercolor) and then for coffee to kill a little time, and then out to my cousin's farewell gathering.
I had a great time hanging out with my family. I talked semlore recipes and travel with my Swedish uncle; tv, travel, music and Facebook with my cousins; and crafts with my aunties. Craig and my uncle talked amateur radio the whole time, so that was cool, that they each had someone to geek with. :)
I'm very grateful for Facebook today, first because even though my cousin is moving many states away, I'll still be able to keep in touch easily. I also came home tonight to find two new friend requests, one from an old grade school and then college classmate, and another from an old high school friend. I do really love how small the internet makes the world!
Also in people+internet news, someone joined my "Lampwork Addicted" Twine today! :D It's not exactly popular, with only us two members, but I'm tickled they even found it since I haven't made an effort to promote it yet.
I'm looking forward to this week. We've got the ham club dinner and meeting tomorrow night, my mom is coming over for lunch and a movie on Tuesday, Wednesday art class resumes, Friday is the 2-hour finale for BSG, and Sunday is a baby shower for a couple of dear friends. ...Which reminds me, I really should get back to my knitting!
