a girl of glass

Oh yeah! Other things I forgot!

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:22:22 -0500

Some good stuff went down this week. I took my mom out shopping for her 60th BDay. I wanted to treat her to some pretty clothes and a decadent lunch. She seemed to have a really good time. I know I did. :)

I cheated though and bought something for myself. I grabbed a few things that caught my eye so I could try them on and get Mom trying stuff on too, which she seemed hesitant to do. One of the things I picked up was a gorgeous, grey-blue, long velvet jacket. I put it on for shits and giggles, looked in the mirror and thought, "WOW! WANT!!!" I tried to be rational and thrifty and talk myself out of it, but it had to come home with me. It fit like a glove, even over my curves, and the color looks great with my red hair! It was obviously made for me.

I also picked up the glass bowl we saw made at the hot shop demonstration on Monday, and it's even prettier than I'd imagined! I have it on the diningroom table now, and I have to stop and fondle it every time I walk through the room. I'll get pictures of it eventually, if not today then when we get back.

I also got my hair cut this week, and I'm loving it! It's still below shoulder length, but quite a bit shorter than it was. I have a little bit of bangs now though, which means I haven't had to clip my hair back to keep it out of my eyes at all since getting it cut! Fabulous! It has more layers in it too, so I get a nice bit of volume and texture from my natural waves just letting it air dry, which I love! I'd get pictures, but I hate primping for the camera. There will be vacation pictures galore this week, and I'm sure I'll be in some of them. :)

So it's been a very good week. I expect next week will be even better, by far! :) No complaints here!

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No stress

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:02:44 -0500

This is the calmest I've ever been before even a day of fun, let alone a week's vacation and travel. I don't know why I'm not having any stress or anxiety, it's not at all like me, but I'm not about to stress over the lack of stress either!

I am feeling some guilt over leaving Mia. I wish she'd focus during her english lessons and learn human language already so I could clearly explain to her that we're not giving her away to strangers and abandoning her, that we want her to have fun exploring a new place for a week, but we can't wait to bring her back home. I miss her when I'm away for a few hours, a week is going to be tough!

I looked out the window this morning and the side yard is filled with little green flags marking the current sewer and water main lines, so that's progress on the plumbing front already. I just need to drop off a house key for them before we leave.

I have a good idea what I need to pack, and it's going to be very light. Clothes will be casual and allowing for layers. I'm going to wear my hiking boots, and that's all the shoe I'll be taking. I wasn't going to take any electronics other than the camera, but now I'm thinking I'll take my mp3 player and my Kindle (for the plane). Aside from that, I'm just going to pack a sketchbook, a pen and some drawing pencils. I'm not even planning on packing much in the way of toiletries, since I'll just hit up a store in Dublin when we get there to get some shampoo and soap and such. Packing will be so easy.

I have a few phone calls to make today, a couple errands to run, a little laundry, some light chores... then it's just time to pack. Now worries at all. ...Which is weird, but also lovely.

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Great glass!

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:24:45 -0500

What a fabulous afternoon!

We went to the museum and I headed straight for the Chihuly exhibit. It was a decent size exhibit, all stuff from the museum's own collection, but most of which I hadn't seen on display before. He really is great with color and form. There were some gorgeous pieces, many of which had me wondering how they were made.

As we were leaving the exhibit, we walked past the hot shop and saw there'd be a demo in fifteen minutes. I've seen a couple demos there before but I still really wanted to see another. :) We went into the cafe to have a quick bit of refreshment, and just before the demo was supposed to start, I noticed the studio was near full. Glass walls, you see. (Pun intended.) We chugged what was left of our orange juice and snuck into a couple of seats in the back row of the studio.

It was a great demo, a one woman show, which is kind of unusual. She did a great job though, managing all of the pipes and punties all by herself while explaining a ton about glass and the blowing process. It ran almost an hour, and in that time she demonstrated some basic techniques as well as optic molds and thermal shocking for that crackled effect. By the end of the demo, she'd made a gorgeous 10" diameter amber, footed glass bowl with a scalloped edge. She'd used a special glass that gets an irredescant finish when it's flame-treated at the end of the process. I have some of that glass, but I haven't yet figured out how to work it in my torch flame to bring the metals to the surface. Craig very patiently waited while I hung around after the demo to ask a few questions, and I got dibs on the bowl she made! Assuming it survives the annealing kiln, it's reserved for me, and they only charge $50-60 for the bowls made during demos! (Procedes to benefit the museum, of course.) That's 1/3 to 1/6 what you'd pay for a similar piece sold by the artist! I can't wait to go pick it up! It'll be ready Tuesday.

After the glass pavillion, we went back to the main building. We took a quick look through the gift shop, which is a fabulous gallery filled with beautiful, original art pieces, lots of which is glass work! Then we attempted to check out the LitGraphic exhibit, but I was too wound up with too much glass on the brain. I couldn't focus on the graphic art at all, so I asked Craig if we could bail and come back to this exhibit another day when I could give it my full attention.

So we were only at the museum for a couple of hours, but it was an absolutely fabulous couple of hours, and it left me totally recharged, wound up, and filled with inspiration.

We did a little shopping while we were out, getting some rain pants to pack for Ireland so we won't get soaked if it starts to rain while we're out tromping through bogs and looking at ruins. :) We each got a few lightweight shirts to pack for the trip too, so we're pretty much ready to go now! ...This is going to be a long week. :D

*And* on top of the awesome time at the museum and the great shopping-fu, we also had a late lunch at Panera. They've brought back their mac&cheese!!! I had a small cup of that sinful yum with one of their fuji apple salads, which are so delicious.

It was a great day out, but it wore me out completely. I'm going to spend the rest of the day just chilling and waiting for bedtime, I think.

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Extended through Feb.!

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 11:21:41 -0500

*L* I just noticed that the "Chihuly Toledo!" exhibit has been extended through February 3rd since the last time I'd checked the dates. We're still going today though. I have my heart set on a trip to the museum now. :)

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Sloughing off the stress

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 11:04:23 -0500

The challenges of the past few weeks are now history. Mia has a reservation for boarding, we're ready for our trip to Ireland, work is caught up for the first time since I took that job years ago, our sewer and water main will be replaced while we're away, and my sister and I managed to actually surprise my mom with a 60th birthday party at my house last night. Challenges are behind me, vacation is just ahead, and my house is squeaky clean. Today I finally feel like myself for the first time in many months. I can breathe ...and just sit, without guilt or anxiety or anything hanging over my head.

We're going to go to my house of worship today, the museum! There are four totally awesome exhibits there right now that I've been really wanting to see, but something has always seemed more pressing. By the time we get back from Ireland, the "Chihuly Toledo!" exhibit will have ended. As a glass artist, I -will not- miss this exhibit, so that's really the only thing on my plan for the day so far. We may or may not check out the other exhibits too. They're all free (love our museum!!!), but the other three will also be running for a bit longer, so we'll have time to catch them on future visits.

The party last night was a smashing success. My mom was genuinely surprised. :) My sister made a gorgeous and -delicious- cake. It had Baileys in it, lots of chocolate flowers and tons of buttercream frosting....unf. Everyone had a good time. Craig talked radio with the uncles. The kids were totally enchanted with the bunny, who, surprisingly, didn't seem to mind them too much. Uncle Mats thought our potrack was brilliant (thanks, Deb & Brian!) and since we still had the other one from the set in the garage, we we able to send them home with one. Everyone talked and talked and laughed and laughed. Good times.

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"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --"

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:15:20 -0500

I don't believe in regrets. I'm so very happy with my life as it is now, with all the experiences I've had and all the fabulous people I'm privileged to have known. Every once in a while I do let a "what if" wander through my brain though. There's only really one I'm at all interested in, and sometimes I just wonder how things might be different if I'd made a different choice.

The biggest "what if" in my life to date is, "What if I'd studied art instead of engineering?" I honestly don't remember why I made the choice I did. I remember my elders and mentors praising me for even considering engineering, telling me it would provide a secure future. I know science has always excited me, and I remember being eager to learn the answers to a whole bunch of why/how questions in my studies. But I don't remember what that extra bit of motivation was that made me choose the difficult and exciting road of science over my passion, the one thing I was always thoroughly content doing, art.

I don't regret my choice, even though I hated most of my classes, quickly realized I did NOT want to work as an engineer EVER, and quit just shy of qualifying for graduation when the money and my stamina ran out. That path lead me to some of the happiest memories and opportunities of my life, and even some extremely difficult moments that are still precious to me for their lessons. It was a most excellent adventure.

But, ...what if? What if I had chosen what I knew, what I felt was me to my core? It seemed like the easy path then because I knew I loved art with every fiber of my being. Did I pass it over because it seemed too easy? Would it have been fulfilling and natural to me? Surely there would've been just as many challenges down this road. That's just how life works, right? I just couldn't see them around the corners. I didn't get that cliff-diving adrenaline rush thinking about doing what I know and love. I was probably craving the excitement of the unknown over comfortable familiarity. But what would life have been like down that path? I honestly wonder.

Yesterday, while cleaning out an old box of memories I haven't touched in ten years or more, I found a letter from an art professor at the university I attended. I would've been a junior in high school when I got this. The important part reads:

Congratulations on the acceptance of your art work in the 31st Downtown Art Exhibition.

I would be happy to meet with you and show you around the studios of the University Art Department at the Museum. [contact info]

Once again, congratulations on your success.

I don't remember this letter at all. It was already haunting my dreams last night though, just hours after finding it. I can't imagine that it wouldn't have made my heart skip a beat with excitement, that it didn't make me second guess the whole engineering thing. It chokes me up a little now. It's always been a dream of mine to make my living by making art, even when I was being romanced by science and engineering. Why didn't I at least go take a look? ...I probably didn't have any faith in my own work. I can kind of remember thinking there was no way I was talented enough to follow that path. Engineering must've seemed so much more promising. Heh. I've never worked as an engineer though, and I'm still pining for an artist's life. Live and learn.

Well, the beautiful thing about life is that it's never too late to chase your dreams. University was a grand adventure, and engineering really was a delightful bitch of a challenge. I learned so much, and made such good friends and priceless memories. Maybe everyone has to spend some time in life doing something you don't want to do, and I was lucky to get that out of the way early and move on. Now I just need to keep doing my best to forge a new path between the road I took and the one I could have taken. I will get there somehow, dragging everything I found on that first road with me.

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Introvert insideout

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:44:36 -0500

The vet appointment went well this morning. Mia ***HATES*** to travel, and she was shaking and cowering in the corner of her carrier by the time we got to her appointment, but the vet said to put her carrier on the floor and let her come out on her own, and she seemed to really dig having some place new to explore. Of course, she snorted and growled when they tried to examine her (that's my girl!), but I gave her a treat to calm her down, and then the vet tech gave her an extra treat just to spoil her ...and that calmed me down. :) Now I *know* they'll spoil her so hard while we're gone, she might not even want to come home with me. *L* Even though I told them I'd bring food and toys, they wanted to know all her favorite greens and how she likes to play, and they asked me if it was ok if they just let her have the run of the office while there's someone there. :) She's going to have a fine vacation herself while we're away and I have a lot more peace of mind about it all now.

I am so exhausted. I thought I was run down yesterday, but multiply that weariness by at least ten for today, and add physical aches and pains. I didn't get my neck rub last night, so maybe tonight. I might take some Aleve in the mean time.

We went to meet up with the local NaNo group last night, and they broke me. There were at least three loud conversations going on at that table at all times, and I couldn't follow any single one of them for more than a minute or two. It was great to see everyone, but I just didn't have the energy to keep up, and all the chatter around the table was draining me at an incredible rate. It never got to the point where I can't even make out words any more, but it was definitely headed that way. I was having a hell of a time fighting the urge to put my head down and nod off. Who knows what stupid stuff came out of my mouth. I'm too beat to even care.

Today I'm utterly useless. I keep forgetting what I'm doing. (I started this entry an hour and a half ago.) I think I'm falling asleep with my eyes open, the way I keep losing my place in everything I've tried to do. It took me two hours after coming home this afternoon to drag my ass upstairs and put on comfier clothes. I am completely wiped.

So the stress of the past few weeks is getting closer and closer to being history, now I just need some serious bounce-back time. I think I'm going to put on some quiet instrumental music, and just play in my sketchbook a while. Words are hurting my brain.

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meh.

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:53:41 -0500

I need some gum and a neck rub. My jaw is so tired and sore, my neck and shoulders so knotted, ...for days now.

I bailed on the funeral today. I'm not proud of it, but I am glad I didn't go. I got up early and got my shower and workout out of the way so I could go. I ate a high fiber cereal and some yogurt for breakfast to anchor my nervous stomach. But when it came time to put up my hair and hit the road, I totally chickened out. My stomach started rolling, my blood pressure shot up and I was shaking and dizzy. Stupid nerves. It was the usual social anxiety plus dreading driving myself to the nasty part of town where the funeral home is plus dreading being introduced to 3rd and 4th cousins, all on top of other stress I'm dealing with this week. I started feeling like I was going to throw-up and/or pass out, and I totally bailed. Instead, I put some comfy clothes back on, lit a candle for my dad's Aunt Helen, wished her well on her journey, and asked her to say hi to my Dziadzi for me. I do need to call my dad and apologize though. I hope he understands.

The plumber came by with a contract yesterday. $4800 worth of work to be done. Aieee! It's kind of working out that we're saving money actually though. We were told our water main was ready to fail at any time last year, so we've had our fingers crossed on that for a while now, knowing what a huge and expensive project it would be. Now our sewer line received the same diagnosis, with a quote of $3500'ish just for a new sewer line. So we're saving quite a bit of money by having them both replaced in only one dig-up-the-yard event. I'm trying to remind myself of that anyhow. The near $5k bill still hurts.

But, the work is scheduled for the week we'll be in Ireland after all. Both Craig and the plumber really thought that was fortunate timing. I'm a little antsy about having people in my house while we're half a world away, but the plumber is a good guy, and as long as he's over-seeing things, I can feel some peace-of-mind. ...or at least keep telling myself I do. It's not that I'm afraid of anything going missing. My house is just completely sacred space to me, and it feels very wrong to have near strangers moving through it while I'm so far away. It'll be ok though. And, we won't have to worry about coping without usable plumbing while the work is done.

As for the party planning, ...oy. Lots of little twists and turns there, but the head party-planner is a smart and sassy, dedicated woman and she's ironing out all the wrinkles one by one. I'm going to have to find some way to show my appreciation for her efforts in all of this. Right now my role is pretty straight-forward: I have location and beverages. *breathes* It's going to be ok.

Tomorrow is Mia's vet appointment. *Fingers crossed* that all goes well there and they say she's fit to board.

...One thing at a time.

...And later, batting my eyes at my husband to ask him to work out the knots in my neck.

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One thing at a time, ...and remember to breathe!

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:55:45 -0500

I'm so not a multitasker. I know being able to multi-task is a badge of pride these days, but you know what? Fuck that! I can give one thing my full attention, thoroughly accomplish a task with integrity and confidence, and then move on to the next. Multitaskers are always doing just enough to get by. I wasn't designed to work that way. (Another in a long list of reasons why I've never wanted children.)

But, I digress...

Feeling the pressure today. There are too many important issues/concerns on my plate right now, and it's grinding on my nerves hard and fast.

I made the reservations for boarding Mia while we're in Ireland. I can almost check that off my list, except they want to examine her first. I don't think that'll be a problem, but I'd really rather just know that finding a plan for her can be checked off my list of worries already. I feel tons guilty enough about leaving her for a week as it is. So, Friday she has an appointment, and I have all fingers and toes crossed that my sweet (*old*) girl is deemed healthy enough to take on as a boarder, and that she likes it there.

I really need to make a packing plan for Ireland already, while I still have time to acquire any wardrobe essentials that might be needed. We're staying casual and packing carry-on only, so packing light is the name of the game. It's going to be colder and rainier this time around though, so quick-drying layers are ideal. I think I'll sit down with a cup of tea in a bit here and start working on that list, just to get it settled in my mind a little.

Oh yeah! I need to call the bank too and see how much time they need to order some Euros for me. Must have the monies before we leave!

Then there's the party planning. It's nigh impossible to say no when it's for someone you love dearly, but I have to start doing that. "No party planning ever" needs to be one of my hard and fast rules. I do not like parties. Attending them is hell enough, planning them is excrutiating! I've already committed to this one though, so I have no choice but to plow through. I'll have to get back to that today too. I put it on the back burner last week when I had other priority issues eating my time and sanity. I can't put it off forever though. It's been haunting me and I just want to be done with it!

Today's election day. We'll be going out to vote when Craig gets home. Not a big deal there. It's a simple ballot this time and I know exactly how I plan to vote. I still get performance anxiety about it though. My brain and all of it's stupid anxiety! Oh well. That'll be a non-issue by 6pm, ...sooner if I can't manage to push it out of my head, because I'll just go out on my own and get it over with for sanity's sake.

Then there's the plumbing. We're now looking at replacing both the sewer line and the water line. Both need doing, disaster is imminent in both cases otherwise. We're talking about $5k in forseeable expense. Oof. The money's not even the biggest stressor, though it certainly registers! We're also talking two, maybe three days without functional plumbing. Argh. It really needs to be done before permafrost, which means before Ireland and preferably before the party I'm hosting, ...which means work needs to start this week ideally. argh. Not much I can do about that right at this minute other than worry, and worrying gets nothing done, so for today at least, I'm going to try to just not think about it.

There'll be a funeral for one of my great aunts this week too. I can keep that bit of stress out of my head for now because details haven't been arranged yet. Hopefully it won't coincide with Mia's vet appointment or the start/progress of plumbing work, because we're down to the wire on those things which need to happen ASAFP and I don't have rescheduling options.

Ok. So if I can get at least three of those things taken care of so they're not weighing on me any more, *then* I can start thinking about the holidays. I really need to jump on that as soon as possible, because holiday stress builds exponentially for me with every passing day.

I do feel better just for having listed it all out though, honestly. All that vague pressure and sense of impending doom never looks as bad when it's organized and prioritized. It'll look even better if I can deal with some of it and just get it crossed off the list though, so I'd better get to it now.

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Sleep is an elixer of health and stability

nobody@vox.com(Seph) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:46:25 -0400

...and I haven't been getting enough, until last night. After weeks of inconsistant and scarce sleep, I *finally* fell asleep easily and slept all night long! I did wake up a couple of times because my chest is still rattling from that damn cold, but every time I woke up, I was able to lie back down and fall right back asleep. Ten glorious hours!!! I feel so much better! I was really getting obnoxiously twitchy and moody.

I ordered new pants yesterday, in the next size down. WOOT! That makes three pants sizes I've dropped since late July. I *just* bought new jeans about two weeks ago, and I absolutely loved the way they fit on me ...until this weekend when I started having to hike them up constantly. We went out to the park for a walk, but didn't get to walk the trail I wanted to because I was getting annoyed at having to hike my jeans up so much. I actually almost walked right out of them while I was at home cleaning the next day and had to catch them just as they were sliding off my butt. This all amuses me muchly, aside from the fact that these were the best fitting jeans I've ever owned a couple of weeks ago and I'm a little sad to see them go. I did wear a belt with them for a while yesterday, but I had too much of the waistband gathered up under the belt and that got to be uncomfortable after a short while. So, new pants on the way. At least I've been able to find jeans and pants at great sale prices. Maybe I can resell them on ebay and recoup some of my money.

I'm not doing NaNoWriMo this year. I'm not one to say "never again", but honestly, it doesn't seem likely. I like to write a lot, but there are a crazy amount of things that I like to do "a lot". It always seems to come back to "do what you love", and I've discovered that I absolutely do not love writing enough to deal with a writer's life. I did NaNo for a few years until I finally hit that 50,000 words in one month, and I really feel like I've checked that off my list of things to do. I could see trying it again if I was job-free and had absolutely nothing else planned for the month of November and nothing else at all that I wanted to do, ...which I really can't see happening. I always wish my writing friends the best of luck and fun for NaNo, but I'm pretty much out of that game now.

Found a gem of an old movie on Netflix last night: "Spider Baby". I was skeptical, but I'd seen just about everything else in the horror category, so I figured I might as well give it a try. It was delightfully twisted. I'll definitelty watch it again.

Well, enough yammering. I'd better get back to my day. It's been a superhuman effort in recent days to keep myself moving and out of that pit of despair and depression, but the sleep I got last night has helped a ton, and I'm finally feeling motivated to get some stuff done.

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