A week's worth of thoughts, briefly

I had a HUGE crush on Michael Jackson back in his Thriller days.  As someone who *LOVES* dance and all kinds of music, I found him so innovative and magical.  He never stood a chance at a normal life, what with his family life and the greedy yes-men around him telling him time and time again how awesome he was.  That's not an environment conducive to growing up or maturing or doing anything but festering in your own ego and always hungering for something real that you can't quite identify.  His fortune and fame weren't worth that price, and through all the crazy stories and accusations and possibly even crimes, I always felt bad for him and wondered how different he'd be if he'd had to live in the real world.  He was gifted though, and the world seems a whole lot less glamorous and magical without him.  -My blog, my feelings.

I've been dreaming *A LOT* about loved ones in the past week or so, both people I've lost touch with, and people lost to this world.  It's been nice visiting with everyone ion my head, even people I don't think I'd actually get along with should we run into each other again.  ...I have to admit, it has me rethinking that.  Who really is the same person they were years ago, or even last week?  I know I'm sure as hell not.  We all live and learn and adapt.  It's been good food for thought.

I'm procrastinating starting my day.  Yesterday was a complete loss.  I'm at the end stage of a project, and tying up loose ends gives me a hell of a lot of anxiety.  My performance anxiety has nothing to do with crowds of people or approval, but EVERYTHING to do with the integrity of my work - knots must be tied impossibly tightly, ts crossed, every last scrap of data accounted for, ...  I get so nervous when I see the finish line, it sometimes makes me physically sick.  I'm trying so hard to change my thinking.  My daily affirmations this week have been all about trying to rewire my brain into having faith in my own work.  It's not working yet, but I'm not giving up until it does.

Been very much in the mood for singing cowboys lately.  I do love a deep warbly voice.  "The Highway" on Sirius radio is pretty decent, but not quite hitting the mark.  I wish I could tune in the local country station.

Ok.  That's enough.  I had more thoughts I wanted to jot down, but they don't seem as pressing right now.  Time to give Jasmine her meds and get some work done.